DAY 67: THURSDAY

WHEN YOU STOP TRYING TO KEEP EVERYONE HAPPY

“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 (KJV)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I pray for the woman who has spent so much time trying to keep everyone okay that she sometimes loses sight of what You are asking of her.

You know how easily she can begin measuring a decision by everyone else’s reaction to it.

You know the pressure she feels when people disagree, become disappointed, misunderstand her, or want something different from her.

Help her become more concerned with being faithful than being approved of. Give her humility so she doesn’t confuse stubbornness with obedience, and give her courage so she doesn’t confuse people pleasing with love.

Teach her to listen carefully to wise counsel, receive correction when she needs it, and still bring every decision back before You.

Help her understand that peace with others doesn’t mean everyone will always be pleased with her. Let her be loving without becoming controlled by approval, compassionate without abandoning wisdom, and willing to disappoint someone when obedience, truth, or a healthy boundary requires it. Teach her children to seek Your approval above the changing opinions of people too.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

DEVOTIONAL

We have spent the last few days looking at love, disappointment, and other people’s emotions. Today, we need to talk about what can happen when all of those things come together: people pleasing.

People pleasing can look a lot like kindness from the outside.

You help.

You accommodate.

You say yes.

You try to understand everyone’s perspective. You don’t want anyone to feel left out, disappointed, inconvenienced, or upset.

None of those desires are automatically wrong. Caring about people is good.

The question is what happens when keeping people happy begins determining your choices.

“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men?” Galatians 1:10 (KJV)

People pleasing isn’t simply being nice. It happens when another person’s approval becomes too powerful in your decision making.

You may know what you believe you should do, but then you start thinking about how everyone will react.

Will they be upset?

Will they think I’m selfish?

Will they misunderstand me?

Will they talk about me?

Will they pull away?

Suddenly, the decision isn’t only about what is right. It is about how to prevent everyone else from being uncomfortable with what is right.

That can become exhausting because people want different things from you.

One person wants more of your time. Someone else thinks you should be spending your time differently. One person thinks your boundary is too strict. Another thinks it isn’t strict enough. One person thinks you should speak up. Another thinks you should let it go.

You cannot satisfy every opinion.

And sometimes trying to do so means you stop asking the most important question: God, what are You asking of me?

That doesn’t mean every decision you make is automatically God’s will simply because you feel strongly about it. We can be wrong. We can misunderstand. We can make decisions from fear, pride, anger, hurt, or selfishness and convince ourselves we are simply “holding a boundary.”

That is why humility matters.

Being free from people pleasing doesn’t mean becoming unteachable.

You should still listen. You should still consider how your choices affect others. You should still seek wise counsel. You should still apologize when you are wrong and change course when God shows you something you need to change.

The difference is that you aren’t changing simply because someone is unhappy.

You are bringing their concern before God and asking whether there is truth in it.

Maybe there is.

Maybe there isn’t.

You don’t have to decide based on the intensity of their reaction.

This is especially important if you learned early in life that keeping other people happy helped keep you safe. You may have become skilled at adjusting yourself to the room. You learned who needed reassurance, who couldn’t handle disagreement, what subjects caused tension, and what version of yourself created the least conflict.

That may have helped you navigate difficult circumstances, but you don’t have to spend your entire life becoming whatever everyone else needs you to be.

There is a difference between adapting appropriately and abandoning yourself.

Healthy relationships require some flexibility. Sometimes you compromise. Sometimes you choose the restaurant you wouldn’t have chosen. Sometimes you change plans because someone else needs something. Sometimes you put another person first because love calls you to sacrifice.

But sacrifice freely given is different from compliance driven by fear.

One says, “I’m choosing to give this.”

The other says, “I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t.”

Pay attention to that difference.

Sometimes people pleasing even disguises itself as keeping the peace.

But peace and the absence of conflict aren’t always the same thing.

You can avoid an argument by never saying what needs to be said. You can keep someone happy by never telling them no. You can prevent tension by allowing behavior that needs to be addressed.

The room may be quiet, but that doesn’t necessarily mean there is peace.

Biblical peace is rooted in truth.

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18 (KJV)

Notice the words, “If it be possible.”

Sometimes you can do everything that belongs to you and another person will still be unhappy.

“As much as lieth in you.”

You are responsible for what lies within you: your honesty, your tone, your conduct, your willingness to listen, your willingness to repent, and the way you treat another person.

You are not responsible for making sure everyone approves of you afterward.

This matters in parenting too.

If your goal is to keep your children happy with you, parenting becomes almost impossible.

Children won’t always like boundaries. Teenagers won’t always agree with your decisions.

There will be moments when doing what you believe is best for them makes you temporarily unpopular.

Your job isn’t to make sure your children always like you.

Your job is to love them well.

Sometimes loving them well means saying yes. Sometimes it means listening and changing your mind. Sometimes it means apologizing because you got something wrong. Sometimes it means holding a no while they are angry about it.

They also need to learn that they don’t have to build their lives around everyone else’s approval.

They can be kind without becoming controlled by what people think. They can have convictions without becoming self righteous. They can listen to others without becoming whoever the room wants them to be.

You are learning that too.

Not everyone will understand every decision you make.

Not everyone has to.

You need humility before God, openness to truth, wise counsel, and the courage to obey what He shows you.

Sometimes obedience will be celebrated.

Sometimes it will disappoint someone.

Your job is not to control which one happens.

Your job is to remain faithful.

Keeping everyone happy can look like peacekeeping while actually preventing honest relationship.

If nobody can be disappointed with you, nobody can fully know you.

Formation gives you enough security in God to let another person have an emotion about your truthful, loving decision without rushing to erase it.

TAKE A MOMENT

Think about a decision you are currently making or a boundary you are trying to hold.

How much of your thinking is focused on what is right, wise, and faithful, and how much is focused on preventing someone from being unhappy with you?

Ask yourself: If I knew nobody would be upset with me, would I make the same decision?

JOURNAL WITH GOD

Whose approval is hardest for me to risk losing?

How do I usually respond when someone doesn’t approve of a decision I make?

Do I ever say yes when I genuinely believe I should say no because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?

Have I confused avoiding conflict with creating peace?

How can I remain teachable without allowing another person’s reaction to control my decisions?

What is the difference between loving sacrifice and fear driven compliance in my life?

Am I willing to change my mind when God shows me I’m wrong?

What are my children learning from the way I handle other people’s opinions of me?

Where do I need to seek God’s approval more than someone else’s?

YOUR TIME WITH GOD

Today, bring God one situation where you feel pressure to keep someone happy. Tell Him what you want to do, what the other person wants, and what you’re afraid may happen if you disappoint them.

Then ask God to search your motives. Don’t simply ask Him to confirm the decision you have already made. Ask Him to show you if fear, pride, anger, resentment, guilt, or the need for approval is influencing you.

If you have been wrong, be willing to change. If you need to apologize, apologize. If someone has offered wisdom you need to hear, receive it.

But if you have prayed, listened, considered the truth, and believe you are making a wise and faithful decision, allow another person to have a different reaction to it.

You can be kind without changing your answer. You can listen without immediately agreeing. You can care that someone is disappointed without making their disappointment your compass.

You don’t have to keep everyone happy to be loving. You don’t have to keep everyone pleased to be peaceful. You don’t have to make yourself smaller to make someone else comfortable.

Keep your heart soft toward people and your eyes fixed on God. Let Him correct you when you’re wrong and steady you when you’re not.

You were never going to please everyone.

You were called to follow Christ.