Formed to Lead

PEACE BEFORE PROMISE

FORMED TO LEAD

Young Men’s Edition

A 90 Day Journey of Masculinity, Character, Leadership, Strength, and Rest

Middle School Through Young Adult

Kristal Walden

Before You Begin

This study is about becoming a man, but not according to the loudest version of masculinity around you. It is about becoming the kind of man whose strength is governed by Christ.

You do not have to prove manhood by becoming hard, emotionless, dominant, reckless, sexually experienced, wealthy, impressive, or impossible to correct. Scripture gives you something stronger.

A godly man can be humble without becoming passive. Gentle without becoming weak. Strong without becoming harsh. Courageous without becoming reckless. Responsible without believing the entire world rests on his shoulders. Protective without becoming controlling. A leader without needing to dominate.

That kind of man is not produced by trying harder to look masculine. He is formed by abiding in Christ.

The Weight of the World Is Not Yours

You may feel pressure to fix things, protect people, provide answers, carry responsibility, and keep everything from falling apart. Some of that desire can become honorable responsibility. But you are still a man, not God.

God is sovereign. You are not.

That does not give you permission to become passive. It gives you freedom to become faithful. Do what God has actually placed in your hands. Work. Prepare. protect. Tell the truth. Learn. Repent. Make decisions. Ask for counsel. Take action when action is required. Then trust God with the part no human being can control.

Sometimes something painful will happen even though you tried to do the right thing. Sometimes someone you love will make a choice you cannot stop. Sometimes a plan will fail. Sometimes you will make a mistake. Sometimes God will redirect the future.

Not every unwanted outcome means you failed.

A formed man learns to ask, What was mine to do? Did I obey? What needs repentance or repair? What belongs to God now?

Abiding Is Not Doing Nothing

Jesus said, “Abide in me, and I in you.” John 15:4 (KJV)

Abiding means remaining in Christ. It means learning His Word, praying, listening, obeying, noticing the Holy Spirit's conviction, surrendering your pace, and returning to God again and again.

Sometimes abiding will lead you to wait. Sometimes it will lead you to move. Sometimes it will tell you to apologize, work harder, walk away, speak up, stay quiet, prepare, protect, ask for help, or change direction.

The point is not inactivity. The point is that you stop making yourself the source.

Move when God says move. Wait when God says wait. And while you are doing either, remain with Him.

What Strength Looks Like Here

Throughout these 90 days, strength will mean self government, courage, truth, responsibility, humility, discipline, gentleness, protection, service, repentance, steadiness, and obedience.

You will also learn that masculinity is not built by making women, children, or weaker people smaller. Strength should make it safer for truth to be spoken around you.

If someone disagrees with you, you do not have to panic or overpower him. If someone corrects you, you can examine what is true. If someone sets a boundary, you can respect it. If you are wrong, you can repent. If you are right, you can remain firm without cruelty.

That is not weakness. That is strength under authority.

Your Upbringing Is Not Your Final Definition

You learned something about manhood from the people and environments around you. Maybe you saw steadiness, service, affection, work, prayer, courage, and responsibility. Maybe you also saw anger, absence, control, passivity, addiction, secrecy, pride, emotional shutdown, or men carrying pain they never learned how to name.

You can honor what was good without repeating what was unhealthy.

Christ can renew the way you think, receive correction, handle conflict, relate to women, carry anger, use strength, understand responsibility, and respond when life does not go your way.

You are not trapped inside the version of masculinity you inherited.

Before Love and Covenant

You may fall in love young. That does not make the love fake. But love does not automatically mean you are ready to carry covenant.

Use this season to become a man capable of faithfulness. Learn your convictions. Build integrity. Practice self government. Learn how to work and rest. Learn how to communicate. Let God heal what would otherwise spill onto someone you love.

Do not look for a woman to finish forming you. And do not choose only by beauty, chemistry, attention, or the feeling of being wanted.

Shared allegiance to Christ comes first. Then look honestly at convictions, character, direction, responsibility, family, money, sexuality, service, communication, and whether the two of you can faithfully carry the same life.

A future wife should never have to become smaller so you can feel like a man.

If Something Is Unsafe

Strength does not mean hiding abuse, threats, sexual pressure, violence, coercion, or dangerous behavior. If you are a minor and something unsafe is happening, tell a trusted safe adult. If immediate danger exists, seek appropriate emergency help.

Protecting people and telling the truth about harm are not failures of loyalty.

How to Use This Study

Take one day at a time. Read the Scripture slowly. Pray honestly. Do not rush the questions just to finish.

The adults around you may be growing too. Encourage genuine growth when you see it, but do not make yourself responsible for managing adults. Their formation belongs to them.

Your job is to keep walking with Christ.

WEEK 1: ABIDING BEFORE ACTION

DAY 1: BE STILL BEFORE YOU BUILD

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10 (KJV)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU

Father, form this young man into someone who knows You, trusts You, and obeys You. As he thinks about be still before you build, give him humility to receive truth, courage to act on it, and peace to release what belongs to You. Make his strength useful, his heart teachable, his words safe, and his life increasingly governed by Christ. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

DEVOTIONAL

Stillness is not passivity. A man who abides in Christ learns that action is not his identity. Before you decide, fix, protect, provide, or lead, learn to recognize God's presence and come under His direction.

You are learning a pattern you can carry into friendship, work, dating, marriage, fatherhood, and leadership. Ask what faithfulness looks like before asking how to control the outcome. A man formed by Christ does not confuse responsibility with sovereignty. He acts where obedience requires action, receives correction where growth is needed, and refuses to make fear his leader.

This is where abiding matters. Stop long enough to acknowledge the Holy Spirit. Bring the situation under God's authority. Listen through Scripture, prayer, wise counsel, and honest discernment. Then do the next faithful thing you know to do. You do not need tomorrow's strength before today's obedience.

WHAT THE ADULTS MAY BE PRACTICING THIS WEEK

The adults using Peace Before Promise may also be working on abiding before action. If you notice sincere growth, you can encourage it. You are not responsible for keeping them consistent or fixing what they still need to learn.

TAKE A MOMENT

Where does be still before you build show up in your life right now? Think about one real situation rather than answering only in general.

JOURNAL WITH GOD

What do I believe God is showing me about myself here?

What would strength under Christ look like in this situation?

Is there anything I need to own, repair, practice, release, or stop trying to control?

What is the next faithful step I can take?

YOUR TIME WITH GOD

Read Psalm 46:10 again. Sit quietly for a few minutes. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what obedience looks like today. Write one sentence beginning, “Today I will…” and make it specific enough to practice.

← PreviousFormed to Lead PEACE BEFORE PROMISE FORMED TO LEAD Young Men’s Edition A 90 Day Journey of Masculinity, Character, Leadership, Strength, and Rest Middle School Through Young Adult Kristal Walden Before You Begin This study is about becoming a man, but not according to the loudest version of masculinity around you. It is about becoming the kind of man whose strength is governed by Christ. You do not have to prove manhood by becoming hard, emotionless, dominant, reckless, sexually experienced, wealthy, impressive, or impossible to correct. Scripture gives you something stronger. A godly man can be humble without becoming passive. Gentle without becoming weak. Strong without becoming harsh. Courageous without becoming reckless. Responsible without believing the entire world rests on his shoulders. Protective without becoming controlling. A leader without needing to dominate. That kind of man is not produced by trying harder to look masculine. He is formed by abiding in Christ. The Weight of the World Is Not Yours You may feel pressure to fix things, protect people, provide answers, carry responsibility, and keep everything from falling apart. Some of that desire can become honorable responsibility. But you are still a man, not God. God is sovereign. You are not. That does not give you permission to become passive. It gives you freedom to become faithful. Do what God has actually placed in your hands. Work. Prepare. protect. Tell the truth. Learn. Repent. Make decisions. Ask for counsel. Take action when action is required. Then trust God with the part no human being can control. Sometimes something painful will happen even though you tried to do the right thing. Sometimes someone you love will make a choice you cannot stop. Sometimes a plan will fail. Sometimes you will make a mistake. Sometimes God will redirect the future. Not every unwanted outcome means you failed. A formed man learns to ask, What was mine to do? Did I obey? What needs repentance or repair? What belongs to God now? Abiding Is Not Doing Nothing Jesus said, “Abide in me, and I in you.” John 15:4 (KJV) Abiding means remaining in Christ. It means learning His Word, praying, listening, obeying, noticing the Holy Spirit's conviction, surrendering your pace, and returning to God again and again. Sometimes abiding will lead you to wait. Sometimes it will lead you to move. Sometimes it will tell you to apologize, work harder, walk away, speak up, stay quiet, prepare, protect, ask for help, or change direction. The point is not inactivity. The point is that you stop making yourself the source. Move when God says move. Wait when God says wait. And while you are doing either, remain with Him. What Strength Looks Like Here Throughout these 90 days, strength will mean self government, courage, truth, responsibility, humility, discipline, gentleness, protection, service, repentance, steadiness, and obedience. You will also learn that masculinity is not built by making women, children, or weaker people smaller. Strength should make it safer for truth to be spoken around you. If someone disagrees with you, you do not have to panic or overpower him. If someone corrects you, you can examine what is true. If someone sets a boundary, you can respect it. If you are wrong, you can repent. If you are right, you can remain firm without cruelty. That is not weakness. That is strength under authority. Your Upbringing Is Not Your Final Definition You learned something about manhood from the people and environments around you. Maybe you saw steadiness, service, affection, work, prayer, courage, and responsibility. Maybe you also saw anger, absence, control, passivity, addiction, secrecy, pride, emotional shutdown, or men carrying pain they never learned how to name. You can honor what was good without repeating what was unhealthy. Christ can renew the way you think, receive correction, handle conflict, relate to women, carry anger, use strength, understand responsibility, and respond when life does not go your way. You are not trapped inside the version of masculinity you inherited. Before Love and Covenant You may fall in love young. That does not make the love fake. But love does not automatically mean you are ready to carry covenant. Use this season to become a man capable of faithfulness. Learn your convictions. Build integrity. Practice self government. Learn how to work and rest. Learn how to communicate. Let God heal what would otherwise spill onto someone you love. Do not look for a woman to finish forming you. And do not choose only by beauty, chemistry, attention, or the feeling of being wanted. Shared allegiance to Christ comes first. Then look honestly at convictions, character, direction, responsibility, family, money, sexuality, service, communication, and whether the two of you can faithfully carry the same life. A future wife should never have to become smaller so you can feel like a man. If Something Is Unsafe Strength does not mean hiding abuse, threats, sexual pressure, violence, coercion, or dangerous behavior. If you are a minor and something unsafe is happening, tell a trusted safe adult. If immediate danger exists, seek appropriate emergency help. Protecting people and telling the truth about harm are not failures of loyalty. How to Use This Study Take one day at a time. Read the Scripture slowly. Pray honestly. Do not rush the questions just to finish. The adults around you may be growing too. Encourage genuine growth when you see it, but do not make yourself responsible for managing adults. Their formation belongs to them. Your job is to keep walking with Christ. WEEK 1: ABIDING BEFORE ACTION DAY 1: BE STILL BEFORE YOU BUILD · Reading 1 of 90Table of Contents Next →