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Formed to Lead

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Opening pagesBefore You Begin Formed to Lead PEACE BEFORE PROMISE FORMED TO LEAD Young Men’s Edition A 90 Day Journey of Masculinity, Character, Leadership, Strength, and Rest Middle School Through Young Adult Kristal Walden Before You Begin This study is about becoming a man, but not according to the loudest version of masculinity around you. It is about becoming the kind of man whose strength is governed by Christ. You do not have to prove manhood by becoming hard, emotionless, dominant, reckless, sexually experienced, wealthy, impressive, or impossible to correct. Scripture gives you something stronger. A godly man can be humble without becoming passive. Gentle without becoming weak. Strong without becoming harsh. Courageous without becoming reckless. Responsible without believing the entire world rests on his shoulders. Protective without becoming controlling. A leader without needing to dominate. That kind of man is not produced by trying harder to look masculine. He is formed by abiding in Christ. The Weight of the World Is Not Yours You may feel pressure to fix things, protect people, provide answers, carry responsibility, and keep everything from falling apart. Some of that desire can become honorable responsibility. But you are still a man, not God. God is sovereign. You are not. That does not give you permission to become passive. It gives you freedom to become faithful. Do what God has actually placed in your hands. Work. Prepare. protect. Tell the truth. Learn. Repent. Make decisions. Ask for counsel. Take action when action is required. Then trust God with the part no human being can control. Sometimes something painful will happen even though you tried to do the right thing. Sometimes someone you love will make a choice you cannot stop. Sometimes a plan will fail. Sometimes you will make a mistake. Sometimes God will redirect the future. Not every unwanted outcome means you failed. A formed man learns to ask, What was mine to do? Did I obey? What needs repentance or repair? What belongs to God now? Abiding Is Not Doing Nothing Jesus said, “Abide in me, and I in you.” John 15Formed to Lead PEACE BEFORE PROMISE FORMED TO LEAD Young Men’s Edition A 90 Day Journey of Masculinity, Character, Leadership, Strength, and Rest Middle School Through Young Adult Kristal Walden Before You Begin This study is about becoming a man, but not according to the loudest version of masculinity around you. It is about becoming the kind of man whose strength is governed by Christ. You do not have to prove manhood by becoming hard, emotionless, dominant, reckless, sexually experienced, wealthy, impressive, or impossible to correct. Scripture gives you something stronger. A godly man can be humble without becoming passive. Gentle without becoming weak. Strong without becoming harsh. Courageous without becoming reckless. Responsible without believing the entire world rests on his shoulders. Protective without becoming controlling. A leader without needing to dominate. That kind of man is not produced by trying harder to look masculine. He is formed by abiding in Christ. The Weight of the World Is Not Yours You may feel pressure to fix things, protect people, provide answers, carry responsibility, and keep everything from falling apart. Some of that desire can become honorable responsibility. But you are still a man, not God. God is sovereign. You are not. That does not give you permission to become passive. It gives you freedom to become faithful. Do what God has actually placed in your hands. Work. Prepare. protect. Tell the truth. Learn. Repent. Make decisions. Ask for counsel. Take action when action is required. Then trust God with the part no human being can control. Sometimes something painful will happen even though you tried to do the right thing. Sometimes someone you love will make a choice you cannot stop. Sometimes a plan will fail. Sometimes you will make a mistake. Sometimes God will redirect the future. Not every unwanted outcome means you failed. A formed man learns to ask, What was mine to do? Did I obey? What needs repentance or repair? What belongs to God now? Abiding Is Not Doing Nothing Jesus said, “Abide in me, and I in you.” John 15:4 (KJV) Abiding means remaining in Christ. It means learning His Word, praying, listening, obeying, noticing the Holy Spirit's conviction, surrendering your pace, and returning to God again and again. Sometimes abiding will lead you to wait. Sometimes it will lead you to move. Sometimes it will tell you to apologize, work harder, walk away, speak up, stay quiet, prepare, protect, ask for help, or change direction. The point is not inactivity. The point is that you stop making yourself the source. Move when God says move. Wait when God says wait. And while you are doing either, remain with Him. What Strength Looks Like Here Throughout these 90 days, strength will mean self government, courage, truth, responsibility, humility, discipline, gentleness, protection, service, repentance, steadiness, and obedience. You will also learn that masculinity is not built by making women, children, or weaker people smaller. Strength should make it safer for truth to be spoken around you. If someone disagrees with you, you do not have to panic or overpower him. If someone corrects you, you can examine what is true. If someone sets a boundary, you can respect it. If you are wrong, you can repent. If you are right, you can remain firm without cruelty. That is not weakness. That is strength under authority. Your Upbringing Is Not Your Final Definition You learned something about manhood from the people and environments around you. Maybe you saw steadiness, service, affection, work, prayer, courage, and responsibility. Maybe you also saw anger, absence, control, passivity, addiction, secrecy, pride, emotional shutdown, or men carrying pain they never learned how to name. You can honor what was good without repeating what was unhealthy. Christ can renew the way you think, receive correction, handle conflict, relate to women, carry anger, use strength, understand responsibility, and respond when life does not go your way. You are not trapped inside the version of masculinity you inherited. Before Love and Covenant You may fall in love young. That does not make the love fake. But love does not automatically mean you are ready to carry covenant. Use this season to become a man capable of faithfulness. Learn your convictions. Build integrity. Practice self government. Learn how to work and rest. Learn how to communicate. Let God heal what would otherwise spill onto someone you love. Do not look for a woman to finish forming you. And do not choose only by beauty, chemistry, attention, or the feeling of being wanted. Shared allegiance to Christ comes first. Then look honestly at convictions, character, direction, responsibility, family, money, sexuality, service, communication, and whether the two of you can faithfully carry the same life. A future wife should never have to become smaller so you can feel like a man. If Something Is Unsafe Strength does not mean hiding abuse, threats, sexual pressure, violence, coercion, or dangerous behavior. If you are a minor and something unsafe is happening, tell a trusted safe adult. If immediate danger exists, seek appropriate emergency help. Protecting people and telling the truth about harm are not failures of loyalty. How to Use This Study Take one day at a time. Read the Scripture slowly. Pray honestly. Do not rush the questions just to finish. The adults around you may be growing too. Encourage genuine growth when you see it, but do not make yourself responsible for managing adults. Their formation belongs to them. Your job is to keep walking with Christ. WEEK 1: ABIDING BEFORE ACTION DAY 1: BE STILL BEFORE YOU BUILD: “Be still, and know that I am God.”DAY 2DAY 2: STRENGTH UNDER AUTHORITY: “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”DAY 3DAY 3: ABIDE BEFORE YOU ACT: “Abide in me, and I in you.”DAY 4DAY 4: YOU ARE A SON BEFORE A LEADER: “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God.”DAY 5DAY 5: THE WEIGHT IS NOT ALL YOURS: “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”DAY 6DAY 6: MOVE WHEN GOD SAYS MOVE: “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”DAY 7DAY 7: FAITHFUL DOES NOT MEAN PERFECT: “A just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again.”WEEK 2WEEK 2: STRENGTH UNDER AUTHORITY DAY 8: HUMILITY IS STRENGTH: “God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”DAY 9DAY 9: TEACHABLE MEN KEEP GROWING: “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”DAY 10DAY 10: GENTLENESS DOES NOT CANCEL STRENGTH: “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.”DAY 11DAY 11: COURAGE WITHOUT HARSHNESS: “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.”DAY 12DAY 12: YOUR WORD SHOULD BE SAFE: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”DAY 13DAY 13: INTEGRITY WHEN NOBODY SEES: “The integrity of the upright shall guide them.”DAY 14DAY 14: TRUTH OVER IMAGE: “Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight.”WEEK 3WEEK 3: TRUTH, REPAIR, AND RESPONSE DAY 15: REPENTANCE IS NOT WEAKNESS: “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”DAY 16DAY 16: LEARN TO REPAIR: “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.”DAY 17DAY 17: RESPOND INSTEAD OF REACT: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”DAY 18DAY 18: ANGER NEEDS GOVERNMENT: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”DAY 19DAY 19: YOU CAN HEAR A DIFFERENT VIEW: “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.”DAY 20DAY 20: CONVICTION WITHOUT CONTROL: “And the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated.”DAY 21DAY 21: DISCERN WHAT KIND OF DIFFERENCE IT IS: “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.”WEEK 4WEEK 4: HEALING THE MAN BENEATH THE ARMOR DAY 22: YOUR UPBRINGING IS NOT YOUR DESTINY: “And be renewed in the spirit of your mind.”DAY 23DAY 23: WHAT DID MANHOOD LOOK LIKE TO YOU?: “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.”DAY 24DAY 24: HEALING CHANGES HOW YOU CARRY STRENGTH: “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.”DAY 25DAY 25: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HIDE PAIN: “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart.”DAY 26DAY 26: DO NOT MAKE A WOMAN YOUR HEALER: “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”DAY 27DAY 27: LEARN WHAT SAFETY FEELS LIKE: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.”DAY 28DAY 28: PROTECT WITHOUT POSSESSING: “Charity... seeketh not her own.”WEEK 5WEEK 5: LEADERSHIP THAT SERVES DAY 29: CARE WITHOUT CONTROL: “Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth.”DAY 30DAY 30: LEADERSHIP BEGINS WITH SERVICE: “But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.”DAY 31DAY 31: LEADERSHIP IS NOT DOMINATION: “Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.”DAY 32DAY 32: SET PACE, STRUCTURE, AND DIRECTION: “Let all things be done decently and in order.”DAY 33DAY 33: MAKE DECISIONS WITHOUT WORSHIPING CONTROL: “A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.”DAY 34DAY 34: PROVIDE WITHOUT MAKING MONEY YOUR IDENTITY: “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”DAY 35DAY 35: WORK WITH EXCELLENCE: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.”WEEK 6WEEK 6: RESPONSIBILITY WITHOUT FALSE SOVEREIGNTY DAY 36: REST IS NOT LAZINESS: “Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while.”DAY 37DAY 37: YOU CANNOT PROTECT EVERYONE FROM EVERYTHING: “The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.”DAY 38DAY 38: WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.”DAY 39DAY 39: DO NOT CARRY FALSE GUILT: “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus.”DAY 40DAY 40: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT IS YOURS: “For every man shall bear his own burden.”DAY 41DAY 41: YOUR BODY NEEDS DISCIPLINE: “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection.”DAY 42DAY 42: SEXUAL INTEGRITY IS FORMATION: “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace.”WEEK 7WEEK 7: DISCIPLINE, SEXUAL INTEGRITY, AND HONOR DAY 43: HONOR WOMEN AS PEOPLE: “Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.”DAY 44DAY 44: A NO IS A NO: “Charity... doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own.”DAY 45DAY 45: PURITY IS MORE THAN NOT HAVING SEX: “Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”DAY 46DAY 46: CHOOSE CHARACTER OVER CHEMISTRY: “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.”DAY 47DAY 47: SHARED FAITH IS THE BEGINNING: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.”DAY 48DAY 48: CAN YOU SAFELY BUILD TOGETHER?: “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”DAY 49DAY 49: DO NOT DATE POTENTIAL: “The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.”WEEK 8WEEK 8: DISCERNING LOVE AND COVENANT DAY 50: DO NOT PROMISE WHAT YOU CANNOT CARRY: “Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.”DAY 51DAY 51: LOVE DOES NOT REMOVE DISCERNMENT: “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”DAY 52DAY 52: A GODLY WOMAN IS NOT YOUR EMPLOYEE: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”DAY 53DAY 53: IF YOU WANT TRUST, BECOME TRUSTWORTHY: “Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.”DAY 54DAY 54: LOVE HER SACRIFICIALLY: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”DAY 55DAY 55: HEAR HER WISDOM: “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”DAY 56DAY 56: MAKE ROOM FOR HER STRENGTH: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”WEEK 9WEEK 9: TRUSTWORTHY LEADERSHIP DAY 57: CREATE SAFETY FOR TRUTH: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”DAY 58DAY 58: DO NOT CALL EVERY CHALLENGE DISRESPECT: “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”DAY 59DAY 59: FORGIVENESS DOES NOT ERASE CONSEQUENCES: “For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”DAY 60DAY 60: BOUNDARIES CAN BE LOVING: “Let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay.”DAY 61DAY 61: FATHERHOOD BEGINS BEFORE CHILDREN: “The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.”DAY 62DAY 62: CHILDREN NEED YOUR PRESENCE: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”DAY 63DAY 63: CORRECTION WITHOUT REJECTION: “Whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.”WEEK 10WEEK 10: FATHERHOOD AND THE CULTURE OF HOME DAY 64: LET CHILDREN HAVE FEELINGS: “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”DAY 65DAY 65: APOLOGIZE TO YOUR CHILDREN: “God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”DAY 66DAY 66: PROTECT WITHOUT RAISING FEAR: “The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.”DAY 67DAY 67: BUILD CULTURE, NOT JUST RULES: “And these words... thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children.”DAY 68DAY 68: LET THEM SEE YOU FOLLOW GOD: “But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”DAY 69DAY 69: MISSION IS BIGGER THAN STATUS: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness.”DAY 70DAY 70: CALLING IS NOT ONLY CAREER: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works.”WEEK 11WEEK 11: MISSION, WORK, AND STEWARDSHIP DAY 71: LEARN TO BUILD: “Prepare thy work without, and make it fit for thyself in the field; and afterwards build thine house.”DAY 72DAY 72: MONEY REVEALS STEWARDSHIP: “He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.”DAY 73DAY 73: DO NOT CONFUSE SUCCESS WITH WORTH: “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?”DAY 74DAY 74: SERVE WHEN NOBODY APPLAUDS: “And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all.”DAY 75DAY 75: BECOME DEPENDABLE: “A faithful man shall abound with blessings.”DAY 76DAY 76: BROTHERHOOD MATTERS: “As iron sharpeneth iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.”DAY 77DAY 77: ASK FOR HELP BEFORE CRISIS: “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”WEEK 12WEEK 12: BROTHERHOOD AND RECEIVING HELP DAY 78: LEARN FROM OLDER MEN: “The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.”DAY 79DAY 79: BE A SAFE FRIEND: “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”DAY 80DAY 80: DO NOT CARRY EVERYONE: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”DAY 81DAY 81: WHEN YOU CANNOT FIX IT: “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”DAY 82DAY 82: WHEN GOD SAYS WAIT: “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart.”DAY 83DAY 83: WHEN GOD SAYS GO: “I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go.”DAY 84DAY 84: WHEN THE PLAN CHANGES: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.”WEEK 13WEEK 13: WAITING, MOVING, FAILING, AND ABIDING DAY 85: WHEN YOU MESS UP: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.”DAY 86DAY 86: WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE HURTS: “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer.”DAY 87DAY 87: PEACE WITHOUT CONTROL: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”DAY 88DAY 88: STRENGTH THAT CAN KNEEL: “Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.”DAY 89DAY 89: BECOME A MAN WHO CAN BE TRUSTED WITH WEIGHT: “Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful.”DAY 90DAY 90: ABIDE AND KEEP WALKING: “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him.”