CHAPTER 7

Carrying One Another Without Carrying What Isn't Ours

“Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 (KJV)

“For every man shall bear his own burden.” Galatians 6:5 (KJV)

At first, those verses can sound contradictory. Bear one another's burdens. Then every person should bear their own burden.

But both belong together.

There are things love asks us to help carry. There are also things we cannot carry for another person no matter how much we love them.

What We Can Help Carry

Grief.

Loss.

Illness.

Overwhelming seasons.

Fear.

Practical needs.

A meal when someone is exhausted.

A ride when transportation falls apart.

Prayer when someone cannot find the words.

Encouragement when someone is discouraged.

Presence when nothing can be fixed.

Walking together means we do not look at another person's heavy load and automatically say, That's your problem.

What We Cannot Carry for Someone Else

We cannot repent for them.

Obey for them.

Make their decisions.

Take responsibility for their behavior.

Want healing more than they do.

Force them to change.

Have their relationship with Christ.

Carry their calling.

Remove every consequence of their choices.

There is a point where helping can quietly become taking over.

Helping Is Not Always Carrying, and Carrying Is Not Always Helping

Rescuing someone from every uncomfortable consequence can interfere with growth.

If we constantly solve another person's problems, they may learn to look to us before they look to God or before they take responsibility for what belongs to them.

Love says, I will walk through this with you.

Control says, I will take this over for you.

Indifference says, You're on your own.

Walking together finds the faithful place between those extremes.

Being Needed Is Not the Same as Being Loved

Being needed can feel meaningful.

Especially if we are caregivers, parents, leaders, helpers, or people who have built much of our identity around being strong.

But if being needed becomes part of our identity, another person's growth can feel like rejection.

A child becomes independent.

A person we mentored stops asking as many questions.

A friend learns how to carry something they once needed us to help carry.

Healthy love can celebrate that.

The goal was never to remain indispensable.

Boundaries Are Not Indifference

A boundary can say, I love you, and I cannot do this for you.

I can listen, but I cannot make the decision.

I can help you find a resource, but I cannot keep paying this bill.

I can pray, but I cannot keep participating in the same destructive cycle.

Christian boundaries should allow compassionate involvement without assuming ownership.

We Have to Watch Resentment

Sometimes resentment is a sign that we are carrying something we were never asked to carry.

We keep saying yes.

Keep giving.

Keep solving.

Keep showing up.

But inside, we are becoming angry that the other person is not doing more.

Maybe they truly are taking advantage.

Or maybe we never told them what we could realistically give.

Sometimes stewardship means changing the way we help.

Material help can be part of burden bearing too. But as we learned in the previous chapter, giving is healthiest when it comes from love and obedience rather than guilt, pressure, approval-seeking, or the need to be indispensable. Not every legitimate need is personally ours to meet.

The Body Carries Together

The beauty of the body of Christ is that no one person has to carry everything.

One person brings a meal.

Another prays.

Another knows a resource.

Another has experience.

Another can give financially.

Another can simply sit beside grief.

We get into trouble when one person believes they must become the entire body for someone else.

We are one member.

We have something to give.

We do not have everything.

Leaders Need Carrying Too

The people who serve others are often the least comfortable receiving help.

Pastors, ministry leaders, parents, caregivers, mentors, and strong friends can become accustomed to being the person everyone calls.

But leaders are human.

They get tired.

They grieve.

They become discouraged.

They need prayer, encouragement, accountability, and people who notice when they are carrying too much.

Walking together means we do not only ask what our leaders can give us. We also learn how to minister to them appropriately.

Carry What Love Gives You to Carry

Sometimes love carries more for a season.

A spouse is sick.

A friend is grieving.

A child is struggling.

Someone is recovering from a crisis.

Capacity is not always equal.

That is different from creating permanent dependence.

We can carry more without making weakness an identity.

We can help without becoming Savior.

We can give without becoming resentful.

We can say no without becoming indifferent.

We can let another person experience the dignity of carrying what belongs to them.

That is part of walking together too.