CHAPTER 13

When We Help One Another Become

“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:” Hebrews 10:24 (KJV)

There are people who change the way we see ourselves. Not because they flatter us or create an identity for us, but because somewhere along the way they notice something.

A teacher sees a gift. A parent recognizes a strength. A friend says, Have you ever considered doing this? A mentor says, I think you're ready.

Walking together is not only about helping one another survive hard things. Sometimes it is about helping one another become.

Consider One Another

Hebrews tells us to consider one another.

That requires attention.

We cannot encourage what we never notice.

Maybe someone is becoming more patient, beginning to speak up, learning Scripture, showing leadership, becoming gentler, learning boundaries, developing confidence, or discovering a gift they do not yet recognize.

Walking together means paying enough attention to say: I see growth in you.

Encouragement Is Not Flattery

Flattery tells people what makes them feel good.

Encouragement strengthens what is true.

I watched how patiently you handled that conversation. You're growing.

You have a gift for explaining Scripture clearly. Keep studying.

You apologized without defending yourself. That took humility.

You were scared and still did what was right.

Specific encouragement helps people recognize fruit without making us their source of identity.

Sometimes Someone Else Sees the Gift First

There are things we may not recognize in ourselves because they come naturally, nobody encouraged them, fear convinced us we were incapable, or we spent so much time noticing weaknesses that we missed strengths.

Then someone says, You know you're good at this, right?

That sentence can open something.

Another person does not get to determine our calling. But God sometimes uses people to help us notice what He has already placed within us.

Make Room for People to Try

Encouragement without opportunity can only go so far.

Let them help. Teach. Lead part of something. Make a decision. Try. Make a mistake. Learn.

It can be tempting to do everything ourselves because we can do it faster or the way we prefer. But if we never make room for another person to try, they never develop the strength that comes from carrying responsibility.

Walking together sometimes means slowing ourselves down enough to let someone else grow.

People Need Room to Fail Without Becoming Failures

Trying something new carries risk.

We may get it wrong. Misjudge. Forget. Discover that a gift needs development. Discover that something we thought was our strength is not actually our assignment.

Failure can teach, but only if failure is allowed to be an event rather than an identity.

That didn't go well. Let's learn from it.

That is different from: See? You can't do this.

Sometimes the safest encouragement is: Try again.

Helping Someone Become May Require Truth

Encouragement is not always, You're doing great.

Sometimes it sounds like: I know you're capable of more than this. This pattern is getting in the way of something good God is developing in you. You need to take responsibility here. Don't quit because this became difficult. I think fear is making this decision for you.

Those words can be loving when they come from humility and relationship.

Sometimes believing in someone means refusing to agree with the version of them that wants to give up.

Do Not Decide Who Someone Else Is Supposed to Become

Seeing potential in someone does not give us ownership of their future.

We may think someone should preach, lead, write, teach, start a ministry, take a particular job, marry a particular person, choose a certain career, or serve in a certain way.

Maybe we see something accurately. Maybe we do not.

We can encourage, ask questions, and share what we notice. But ultimately God leads.

Helping someone become is not molding them into our vision for their life. It is helping them become increasingly responsive to Christ.

Parents especially need wisdom here. Our job is not to hand children a script and call it purpose. We teach, guide, correct, protect, and provide wisdom. As they mature, we also recognize: Their life belongs to God. We are stewards, not authors.

Mentoring Should Eventually Create Independence

A healthy mentor does not need to remain the most important voice forever.

At first, someone may need significant guidance. They ask questions, seek advice, need help recognizing biblical principles, and need someone to model mature decision making.

Over time, they begin opening Scripture before calling us. Praying through decisions. Recognizing patterns. Trusting God. Eventually we hear them giving someone else the encouragement we once gave them.

That is not losing our place.

That is discipleship working.

Do Not Make Someone Dependent Upon Your Approval

People can begin living for encouragement.

They look for our face after they speak. Need to know whether we approve. Hesitate to make decisions without checking.

If we notice that, healthy love points them beyond us.

What do you think God is showing you? Have you prayed about it? What does Scripture say? What do you believe faithfulness looks like here?

Our encouragement should strengthen another person's ability to follow Christ, not weaken it by making our approval necessary.

Celebrate When Someone No Longer Needs What You Once Gave

Maybe you taught someone and now they can do it without you. You carried them and now they are strong. You introduced them to an opportunity and now they have opportunities you do not. You helped them find their voice and now people listen to them.

Celebrate.

That is fruit.

The goal was never to remain necessary. The goal was faithfulness.

Someone else's growth does not diminish your purpose. If God uses something we planted in another person to produce fruit beyond anything we accomplished ourselves, that is not our failure.

That is multiplication.

Sometimes We Need Someone to Remind Us Who We Are

There will be seasons when fear becomes loud, failure becomes convincing, grief makes everything smaller, and we begin questioning whether we have anything to offer.

That is when someone walking beside us may say: I know you can't see it right now, but I have watched God grow this in you.

Sometimes we need another person to hold a truth in front of us until we are strong enough to see it again.

Not to replace God. To remind us where to look.

Encouragement Can Be Practical

Introduce them. Recommend them. Teach what you know. Share a resource. Let them observe. Give them a chance. Invite them into the room.

There are people whose lives changed because somebody opened a door.

But even good intentions need discernment. We can push someone faster than they are ready to go. Maybe they need more time, healing, maturity, training, accountability, or roots.

Not every gift needs a platform immediately.

Sometimes the most loving thing we can say is: Keep growing here first.

Walking Together Should Produce More Walking

Eventually something beautiful happens.

Someone once walked beside us. They encouraged, corrected, made room, taught, prayed, saw something in us, and helped us stand.

Then one day we realize we are doing the same thing for someone else.

That is how faith moves through relationships.

One person does not have to reach everyone. They faithfully walk beside the people God gives them. Those people begin walking beside others.

We will talk much more about that kind of multiplication later. But it begins here.

With one relationship. One conversation. One encouragement. One opportunity. One person willing to say: I see something God is growing in you. Keep going.

Help People Become More Like Christ, Not More Like You

The goal is not to reproduce ourselves.

Our personalities are different. Gifts are different. Assignments are different. Stories are different.

Walking together does not mean: Follow me until you become like me.

Paul could say, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 11:1 (KJV).

Even there, the direction points beyond Paul toward Christ.

Make room for people to learn, speak, try, fail, repent, become confident, discover gifts, and eventually walk somewhere God is not asking us to go.

Maybe one of the greatest things we can give another person is enough love, truth, encouragement, and room to become who Christ is forming them to be.

And perhaps one day, somewhere we may never see, they will turn toward another person and offer the same.