DAY 81: THURSDAY

WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST EVERY ASSUMPTION

“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Proverbs 18:13 (KJV)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I pray for the woman who feels something rise inside her when she realizes someone has misunderstood her. You know how difficult it can be to hear another person describe her motives, intentions, feelings, or choices incorrectly. You know the urge to immediately correct the story and make sure they understand what really happened.

Give her wisdom to know when clarification is necessary and when she can allow another person to hold an opinion she doesn’t agree with. Help her listen before becoming defensive and examine herself honestly before deciding the other person is completely wrong. If there is truth in what they are saying, give her humility to receive it. If there isn’t, give her peace without requiring her to prove herself.

Teach her that she can speak truth without fighting for control over another person’s perception. Help her children learn the same thing. Let their home be a place where misunderstandings can be clarified, people can ask questions before making assumptions, and nobody has to become defensive simply because someone sees something differently.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

DEVOTIONAL

Yesterday, we talked about not reading between every line and creating stories from information we don’t actually have. Today, we’re going to turn that around because other people will sometimes do the same thing to you.

Someone may assume why you made a decision. They may interpret your tone incorrectly. They may decide what you meant without asking. They may believe you are angry when you aren’t, selfish when you were trying to be wise, distant when you were simply tired, or intentionally hurtful when that wasn’t your intention at all.

Being misunderstood can feel incredibly uncomfortable, especially if you have spent years trying to make sure everyone understands that your intentions are good. The moment you realize someone has formed an inaccurate conclusion, you may feel compelled to correct it immediately.

“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” Proverbs 18:13 (KJV)

This verse reminds us of the importance of hearing before deciding. We need to practice that ourselves, but we can’t force everyone else to practice it with us.

Sometimes people will make assumptions.

The question becomes what you do next.

There are times when clarification matters. If a misunderstanding affects your children, your work, an important relationship, a responsibility, or something that genuinely needs to be corrected, speak clearly. You don’t have to remain silent simply to prove that you are peaceful.

But clarification and defensiveness aren’t the same thing.

Clarification says, “I want to make sure you have the correct information.”

Defensiveness says, “I need you to agree with my version of me before I can feel okay again.”

That difference can be difficult to recognize when you feel falsely judged.

Sometimes another person’s assumption touches an old wound. Maybe you have been falsely accused before. Maybe your intentions have been twisted. Maybe you have experienced situations where someone else’s version of events had real consequences for you. If so, being misunderstood now may activate much more than the current conversation.

Your body may immediately prepare to defend you.

That doesn’t mean you should ignore what is happening. It means you may need to pause long enough to determine what this situation actually requires.

Ask yourself: Is there inaccurate information that genuinely needs to be corrected? Is this person asking for understanding, or have they already decided what they believe? Would another explanation create clarity, or am I about to repeat something I have already said?

Sometimes you should explain.

Sometimes you should listen.

Sometimes you should say, “That isn’t what I meant. Let me clarify.”

Sometimes you may need to say, “I understand that is how you see it. I don’t agree.”

And sometimes you can simply stop talking.

Not every accusation deserves a trial.

Not every assumption requires a defense.

Not every person is entitled to unlimited access to your thoughts, motives, history, or reasoning simply because they formed an opinion about you.

That doesn’t mean we become unwilling to examine ourselves. In fact, security in Christ should make us more willing to ask whether there is something we need to see.

Maybe someone misunderstood your intention but accurately described the impact of your behavior. You may have meant well and still hurt them. Intention matters, but intention doesn’t erase impact.

You can say, “That wasn’t what I intended, but I can understand why it felt that way.”

That isn’t admitting to a motive you didn’t have. It is making room for another person’s experience.

There is strength in being able to hear something uncomfortable without immediately building a defense.

But there is also strength in knowing when someone’s interpretation simply isn’t yours to carry.

You may explain clearly and they still believe something different.

That can hurt.

You may want to send one more message, give one more example, or find one more way to prove what was in your heart. But eventually you reach the edge of communication and enter the territory of trying to control another person’s perception.

You can’t live there.

People see through their own experiences, expectations, wounds, beliefs, and limited information. You do too. None of us sees another human being perfectly.

God does.

“For the LORD seeth not as man seeth;” 1 Samuel 16:7 (KJV)

There is comfort in remembering that God knows what is actually in your heart. He also knows where your heart needs correction. You don’t have to convince Him of your goodness, and you can’t hide from Him when you’re wrong.

That makes Him the safest place to bring the discomfort of being misunderstood.

Ask Him, “Is there something here I need to hear?”

If there is, receive it.

Then ask, “Is there something I need to clarify?”

If there is, communicate it.

And after you have done what belongs to you, release what doesn’t.

This is important for your children too. When they come home saying, “She thinks I did it on purpose,” or “He said I was being mean, but I wasn’t,” resist immediately deciding who is right. Help them slow down.

What happened?

What did you mean?

What did the other person experience?

Is there anything you need to apologize for?

Is there something you need to clarify?

They can learn that being misunderstood doesn’t automatically mean they are guilty, and good intentions don’t automatically mean they handled everything well.

Both truths matter.

You are learning them too.

You can remain teachable without accepting every accusation as truth. You can clarify without overexplaining. You can apologize for your behavior without agreeing with a motive someone assigned to you. You can allow another person to misunderstand you without spending the rest of your day trying to change their mind.

Your character isn’t created by another person’s interpretation of you.

Keep bringing your heart before God. Let Him correct what needs correcting, and let Him steady you when someone else gets it wrong.

TAKE A MOMENT

Think about a recent situation where you felt misunderstood. What bothered you most about the other person’s interpretation? Was there anything useful in what they said, even if their conclusion about your motives was wrong?

Ask yourself what genuinely belongs to you: listening, apologizing, clarifying, changing something, or simply releasing their opinion.

JOURNAL WITH GOD

How do I usually respond when someone misunderstands my intentions?

What am I most afraid someone will believe about me?

Do I become defensive before fully hearing what another person is trying to tell me?

Can I recognize the impact of something I did without agreeing with an inaccurate assumption about my motives?

How can I tell when clarification is necessary and when I’m trying to control another person’s perception?

Are there situations where I have already explained myself clearly and need to stop defending the same thing?

What would it look like to let God search my heart before I defend it?

How can I teach my children to handle being misunderstood without becoming defensive or accepting every accusation as truth?

YOUR TIME WITH GOD

Today, if someone misunderstands you, resist the urge to immediately prove them wrong. Listen first. Ask yourself whether there is anything true in what they are saying. Maybe your intention was different from what they assumed, but something about your words or behavior still needs attention. If so, own what belongs to you.

If clarification is needed, give it clearly and simply. You don’t need twenty paragraphs to prove what was in your heart. Say what is true, answer reasonable questions, and listen to the other person too.

Then notice when you reach the end of what communication can accomplish.

If they still misunderstand you, bring that discomfort to God. Ask Him to search your heart. If He shows you something, respond to Him. If you have spoken truthfully and there is nothing else for you to do, allow another person’s opinion to remain outside your control.

You can be misunderstood and still remain grounded. You can be falsely judged without becoming consumed by defending yourself. You can be corrected without collapsing into shame. You can discover that you were wrong and make it right.

Your goal isn’t to make sure everyone has the correct opinion of you.

Your goal is to remain honest before God, humble enough to receive truth, and secure enough to release what isn’t true.

Let God know you completely.

Let that be enough to keep you steady.