DAY 37: TUESDAY

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CHANGE

“And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;” Ephesians 4:23 (KJV)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I pray for the woman who is becoming different from the woman she used to be. You have been teaching her new ways to think, respond, love, parent, communicate, and trust. Some of those changes may feel natural now. Others may still feel awkward because she practiced the old way for so long.

Give her courage to keep growing even when other people are more comfortable with the version of her they already know. When someone expects an old response from her, help her choose the new one. When guilt tells her she is being selfish because she has established a healthy boundary, give her wisdom to examine that guilt instead of automatically obeying it. When someone reminds her of who she used to be, remind her of what You are doing in her now.

Keep her humble as she changes. Do not let growth become pride. Let her remain willing to receive correction, recognize her own mistakes, and continue learning. And Father, help her give her children permission to grow too. Do not let yesterday's mistake become today's identity. Help her correct what needs correction without repeatedly defining them by who they were in a difficult season.

Teach this family how to make room for transformation.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

DEVOTIONAL

Yesterday, we talked about how peace can feel unfamiliar when your mind and body have become accustomed to something different. Today, we need to talk about what happens when you actually begin changing.

Sometimes other people notice. And sometimes they do not like it.

“And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;” Ephesians 4:23 (KJV)

Growth changes relationships because relationships develop patterns. Maybe you have always been the one who fixes everything. You answer the call. You rearrange the schedule. You smooth over the disagreement. You lend the money. You take responsibility. You make sure everyone is okay.

Then you begin learning boundaries.

Suddenly, someone who benefited from your lack of boundaries may think you have changed.

They are right.

You have.

Maybe you used to explain yourself until everyone was satisfied.

Now you communicate what needs to be communicated and stop.

Maybe you used to respond immediately when someone was upset with you.

Now you give yourself time to pray and think before answering.

Maybe you used to say yes because saying no made you feel guilty.

Now you consider whether the request is actually yours to carry.

Maybe you used to chase after relationships when someone pulled away.

Now you allow another adult to choose whether they want to participate in the relationship too.

Maybe you used to tolerate behavior that repeatedly hurt you because you thought forgiveness required continued access.

Now you understand that forgiveness and boundaries can exist together.

The people around you may need time to adjust. Some will respect your growth. Some may even celebrate it. Others may push against it because your old pattern worked well for them.

That does not automatically mean they are terrible people. Human beings become accustomed to relational patterns.

When one person changes, everyone else has to adjust. But their discomfort does not automatically mean your change is wrong.

This is where discernment matters.

Not every change you make is healthy simply because you call it growth. Sometimes what we call a boundary is actually avoidance.

Sometimes what we call protecting our peace is refusing necessary conversation. Sometimes what we call self respect is pride.

Sometimes what we call speaking our truth is simply speaking without considering how our words affect other people.

So we keep bringing our growth before God.

We ask whether it agrees with Scripture.

We remain teachable.

We listen when trustworthy people raise concerns.

We examine our fruit.

Is this change making me more loving, truthful, peaceful, patient, faithful, and self controlled?

Is it helping me take appropriate responsibility while releasing responsibility that never belonged to me?

Is it drawing me closer to Christ?

Those questions matter.

But once you have honestly examined something, you do not have to return to an unhealthy pattern simply because someone preferred you there.

You are allowed to change.

Sometimes this becomes difficult because people remember who you were during your worst seasons.

They remember the anxious version of you.

The reactive version.

The desperate version.

The woman who tolerated too much.

The woman who trusted too quickly.

The woman who could not say no.

The woman who needed everyone to approve.

The woman who was simply trying to survive.

Maybe you are embarrassed by her.

Do not despise her.

She did not know everything you know now.

There may be things she needs to repent for.

There may be consequences from choices she made.

Growth does not erase responsibility.

But you do not have to hate who you were in order to become someone different.

Learn. Repent where necessary. Repair what can be repaired. Then keep walking.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV)

That does not mean every habit disappears the moment we follow Christ. We have already spent weeks learning how intentional formation can be.

But your past is not supposed to become a prison.

And neither is your child's.

This matters deeply in parenting. Children change quickly, but sometimes parents keep interacting with the child they remember.

The child who lied once becomes “the liar.”

The child who struggled in school becomes “the one who is bad at school.”

The child who had emotional outbursts becomes “the difficult one.”

The child who made a poor decision becomes the child nobody trusts.

The child who went through a rebellious season becomes the child whose every decision is viewed through suspicion.

Correction is necessary. Consequences can be necessary. Trust may need to be rebuilt. But identity should not be permanently attached to a behavior we are asking a child to change.

If you want your child to grow, you have to leave room for them to become different.

Notice progress. Say it out loud.

“I noticed how you handled that.”

“You told me the truth even though you knew there might be a consequence.”

“You were frustrated, but you calmed yourself before responding.”

“You remembered without me reminding you.”

“You made that right.”

Those statements matter because children need to know that growth is visible too. If the only thing we notice is failure, they may eventually wonder why trying matters.

This is true for adult relationships as well. If someone has genuinely changed, we should be willing to recognize fruit over time.

That does not mean immediately restoring trust after serious harm. Trust is built through consistency. Wisdom pays attention to patterns, not promises. But we should be careful not to demand transformation from people while refusing to acknowledge it when it happens.

People are allowed to grow.

Including you.

Including your children.

And there is another side of this that may be difficult to admit. Sometimes another person's growth makes us uncomfortable.

Your child becomes more independent. A friend establishes a boundary. Someone who once depended heavily upon you no longer needs the same kind of help. A person you were accustomed to advising begins making decisions without asking you first.

Growth changes relationships from both directions.

Can you celebrate someone's growth even when it changes your role in their life?

Mothers eventually face this in a profound way.

You spend years being needed for nearly everything.

Then your children begin doing things without you.

They make their own breakfast.

They manage their own schoolwork.

They drive.

They work.

They develop friendships you did not choose.

They begin making decisions you once made for them.

Eventually, if everything develops as it should, they become adults who are responsible for their own lives.

That can feel like loss if your identity became too connected to being needed.

But your child's independence is not rejection.

It is part of what you were raising them toward.

You are not raising children to remain dependent upon you forever.

You are raising people who can walk with God when you are no longer directing every step.

That requires you to change too.

The mother of a five year old cannot parent the same way when that child is fifteen.

And the mother of a fifteen year old cannot relate to that child exactly the same way when they are twenty five.

Healthy love adjusts as people grow.

It does not disappear.

It matures.

That may be part of what God is teaching you in this season.

You are not only becoming a different woman.

You are learning to make room for the people you love to become different too.

Changing does not mean betraying the woman who survived.

You can honor what she learned without letting every survival reflex keep governing you.

The woman who learned to carry everything got you through something.

The woman God is forming now may need to put some of it down.

TAKE A MOMENT

Think about the woman you were a few years ago.

What is something you handle differently now?

Do not immediately look for the next thing that needs fixing.

Notice the growth.

Then consider whether there is anyone in your life whom you are still viewing primarily through an old version of who they were.

JOURNAL WITH GOD

What is one way I respond differently today than I would have in an earlier season of my life?

Is there an old version of myself I still feel ashamed of, even though God has been changing me?

Has anyone pushed against a healthy change I have made because my old pattern was more comfortable for them?

How can I remain teachable enough to recognize when something I call growth may actually need correction?

Have I unintentionally attached one of my children's identities to a past behavior, struggle, mistake, or difficult season?

What growth in each of my children could I intentionally notice and acknowledge?

Am I allowing my children increasing responsibility and independence as they demonstrate readiness, or does being needed sometimes feel safer to me?

Is there someone else whose growth has changed my role in their life, and have I struggled to accept that change?

What would it look like to make room for both myself and the people I love to keep becoming who God is forming us to be?

YOUR TIME WITH GOD

Today, look backward for a moment, but do not go searching for everything you did wrong. Ask God to show you evidence of growth.

Where do you respond differently now?

Where have you become more peaceful?

Where have you learned to speak?

Where have you learned to become quiet?

Where have you established healthier boundaries?

Where have you become more willing to receive correction?

Where have you stopped trying to control an outcome?

Thank Him for what He has already done.

Then ask whether you are making room for growth in the people around you.

Look at your children individually.

Is there an old label you need to stop carrying forward?

Is there an area where one of them has matured but you are still responding as though nothing has changed?

Notice something good.

Tell them.

You do not have to give a speech.

A simple sentence can be enough.

“I've noticed how much you've grown in this.”

Then let that growth change the way you relate to them where appropriate.

Give responsibility where responsibility has been earned.

Allow independence where independence is appropriate.

Keep boundaries where boundaries are still necessary.

Let trust rebuild through consistency when trust has been damaged.

And give yourself that same grace.

You are responsible for what you do today. You can learn from who you were without remaining trapped there.

God is still renewing your mind.

You are allowed to change.