DAY 31: WEDNESDAY

WHEN YOU HAVE TO WATCH THEM HURT

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (KJV)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I pray for the mother who would take her child's pain upon herself if she could.

You know how difficult it is for her to watch someone she loves struggle. You know the instinct You placed within her to nurture, protect, comfort, and defend. Give her wisdom when that instinct rises. Show her when to step in, when to speak, when to protect, and when her child needs her to remain close without taking the struggle away.

When her child is genuinely being harmed, give her courage to act. Do not let fear of conflict, pressure to keep peace, or concern about what others may think keep her silent when protection is necessary.

But when the pain cannot simply be removed, teach her how to lead her child through it.

Help her resist the temptation to give every answer before her child has learned to seek You. Let her ask questions that turn their hearts toward You. Let her pray with them, but also give them room to pray. Let her share Scripture, but teach them how to open Your Word themselves.

Father, when she cannot make everything better, remind her that she does not have to.

You are there.

Be present in the places she cannot reach. Speak into the hearts of her children in ways she cannot. Use even difficult seasons to deepen their dependence upon You.

And when she is frightened by what they are walking through, teach her to bring that fear to You instead of placing it upon them.

Give her courage to stand beside them without trying to become their Savior.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

DEVOTIONAL

Yesterday, we talked about remaining faithful when nothing seems to change. We talked about raising children who have their own history with God so that someday, when Mom is not standing beside them, they know where to turn.

But there is a difficult part of raising children who develop their own faith.

Eventually, you have to let them experience some things you desperately wish you could spare them from.

This does not mean allowing abuse, danger, or mistreatment. Protection is part of parenting. If your child is unsafe, you act.

But there are other kinds of pain you cannot always prevent.

A friendship ends.

Someone says something cruel.

They are left out.

They fail at something they worked hard for.

They experience disappointment.

Someone they trusted lets them down.

They make a mistake and have to live with a consequence.

They stand for something right and discover that doing right did not make everyone like them.

As mothers, we can feel those things almost as if they happened to us.

Sometimes we feel them even more deeply because we know things our children do not yet know. We can see where a situation may be heading.

We recognize patterns because we have lived longer.

We know what heartbreak feels like.

And everything inside us says, Fix it.

But sometimes your child does not need you to make the troubled water disappear.

They need you to teach them where to stand in it.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1 (KJV)

Notice what Scripture does not say.

It does not say God's people will never encounter trouble.

It tells us where our refuge is when trouble comes.

There is a significant difference between raising children who believe God will prevent everything painful and raising children who know God is present when life becomes painful.

One faith becomes confused the moment suffering arrives.

The other knows where to run.

That is the faith we want to help our children develop.

And sometimes that means resisting our instinct to become their first and only refuge.

Of course your children should know they can come to you. Home should be safe. They should know that when something frightens, hurts, confuses, or overwhelms them, Mom will listen.

But after they come to you, keep leading them farther.

Lead them to the cross.

Not by preaching at them every time they cry.

Not by immediately giving them a Bible verse before you have listened to what hurts.

Sometimes leading a child to Christ begins by sitting beside them and letting them tell the whole story.

Listen.

Ask what happened.

Ask how it made them feel.

Ask what they think is true.

Then help them separate what happened from what pain is telling them about themselves.

Someone rejected you. That happened. But does that mean you are unlovable?

Someone said something cruel. Those words were spoken. But do those words get to tell you who you are?

Someone treated you unfairly. That may be true. But do their actions get to decide what kind of person you become in response?

Someone hurt you. We are going to take that seriously. But are we going to let their sin become permission for ours?

These conversations teach children how to bring real life under the authority of truth.

And then, instead of always saying, “Let me pray for you,” sometimes ask, “Do you want to talk to God about this?”

Let there be silence if they do not know what to say.

Prayer does not have to sound polished.

They can say, “God, I'm mad.”

They can say, “God, that really hurt.”

They can say, “I don't understand.”

They can say, “I'm scared.”

They can say, “Please help me know what to do.”

A child who learns to speak honestly with God is learning something far more important than how to repeat a beautiful prayer.

They are learning relationship.

This is where our own surrender becomes important, because sometimes we are so uncomfortable watching our children struggle that we interrupt the very process through which they are learning to seek God.

We answer before they wrestle.

We rescue before they problem solve.

We speak for them before they learn to use their voice.

We pray every prayer instead of allowing them to find their own words.

We make every decision instead of teaching them how to seek wisdom.

Our intentions may be loving.

But if we always stand between our children and every difficult thing, they may know how to depend upon us without learning how to depend upon God.

The goal is not to make ourselves unnecessary.

You will always be their mother.

The goal is to recognize that your motherhood was always meant to point beyond you.

Your children need Jesus more than they need a mother who can fix everything.

And that means there will be moments when the most loving thing you can do is remain close while allowing them to take the next step themselves.

There will also be moments when they need you to stand up.

Wisdom is learning the difference.

If your child is being harmed, threatened, abused, manipulated, exploited, or placed in an unsafe situation, this is not the moment to tell them that suffering builds character.

Protect them.

Teach them that their voice matters.

Teach them to say no.

Teach them to leave when possible.

Teach them to tell a trusted adult.

Teach them that secrecy demanded by someone who is hurting them is not a secret they are required to keep.

And let them know that speaking truth about someone's behavior is not the same thing as hating that person.

This distinction matters deeply because we also want to raise children who understand Christlike love.

Sometimes Christians confuse loving our enemies with allowing our enemies unrestricted access to us.

Jesus said:

“But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” Matthew 5:44 (KJV)

That is a difficult command.

But loving someone does not require calling wrong right.

Your child can pray for someone and still tell the truth about what they did.

They can forgive and still need distance.

They can refuse revenge and still seek help.

They can wish for someone's repentance without volunteering to be harmed by them again.

This is a kind of strength our children desperately need.

We do not want to teach them to become hard because people can be cruel.

We want to teach them to become anchored.

Hardness says, “Nobody will ever hurt me again because I will never let anybody close.”

Passivity says, “If I were really loving, I would let people treat me however they want.”

Christlike strength says, “I will stand in truth, protect what God has entrusted to me, refuse to participate in wrongdoing, and still refuse to let hatred own my heart.”

That is difficult even for adults.

Which is why our children need to see us practice it.

Let them see you establish a boundary without spending the next three days attacking the person.

Let them see you tell the truth without exaggerating it.

Let them hear you refuse gossip even when someone genuinely hurt you.

Let them see you seek appropriate help when something is wrong.

Let them see you forgive without pretending trust has been restored.

Let them see you pray for people you cannot safely remain close to.

They are watching what you do with pain.

And someday, they will have to decide what to do with their own.

This is why leading children to the cross cannot simply mean teaching them Christian information.

They need encounters with God.

They need moments when they were afraid and discovered He was present.

Moments when they prayed their own prayer.

Moments when Scripture answered a question they were actually wrestling with. Moments when they chose obedience even though it cost them something.

Moments when someone hurt them and they discovered they could forgive without becoming weak.

Moments when they spoke the truth and survived someone else's displeasure. Moments when they could not see the outcome and chose to trust God anyway.

Those experiences become part of their testimony.

And there will be times when you have to watch some of them happen.

That may be one of the hardest parts of motherhood.

You may desperately want to remove the fire.

Sometimes God will ask you to protect your child from it.

Other times, you may discover that your assignment is to stand close enough that they know they are not alone while pointing them toward the One who can meet them inside it.

You cannot promise your children that life will never shake them.

You CAN help them build their lives upon Someone who cannot be shaken.

A mother's protective instinct is powerful for a reason. There are times when protection requires action, especially when a child is being mistreated or placed in genuine danger. But protection and control are not identical. You can intervene where safety requires it without trying to eliminate every difficult emotion, consequence, disappointment, or growing pain from your child's life.

Your children need your covering while they are young, and they also need room to develop discernment, responsibility, courage, and their own dependence upon God. The goal is not children who never struggle. It is children increasingly able to stand in truth when you cannot stand there for them.

TAKE A MOMENT

Think about how you respond when one of your children is hurting.

Do you immediately move toward fixing, explaining, calling someone, giving advice, or removing the discomfort?

Ask yourself whether there are moments when your child needs something different.

Maybe they need you to listen.

Maybe they need protection.

Maybe they need help finding their own words.

Maybe they need to experience a consequence.

Maybe they need you to ask, “Where do you think God is in this?”

Discernment means learning the difference.

JOURNAL WITH GOD

When my children hurt, what happens inside me that makes their pain difficult for me to sit with?

How do I distinguish between suffering my child needs protection from and difficulty I need to help them walk through?

Do I sometimes solve problems too quickly because their discomfort makes me uncomfortable?

When my children bring me something painful, do I listen long enough before trying to teach, correct, or fix it?

Am I teaching my children how to speak up when someone mistreats them while also teaching them how to respond without hatred or retaliation?

Do my children understand that forgiveness, reconciliation, trust, and access are not all the same thing?

How often do I invite my children to pray in their own words instead of always praying for them?

What opportunities could I create for my children to seek God, read Scripture, ask questions, and recognize His work in their own lives?

What fear about one of my children do I need to surrender to God instead of carrying it for them?

YOUR TIME WITH GOD

Today, bring God the child, relationship, or situation that makes you want to take control because watching from the side feels unbearable.

Tell Him what you wish you could prevent.

Then ask for wisdom, not simply relief.

Ask Him to show you whether your role is to protect, intervene, teach, listen, encourage, establish a boundary, seek outside help, or simply remain present.

If your child is walking through something difficult but safe, consider asking one more question before giving your answer: “What do you think you should do?”

Listen to what they say.

Then ask, “Have you talked to God about it?”

Do not demand a spiritual answer. You are opening a door.

If they are willing, let them pray.

Let their words be awkward. Let them stop halfway through. Let them be honest. Resist correcting their theology in the middle of their pain unless something genuinely requires correction.

Give them room to encounter God.

And if someone has hurt them, teach them both sides of Christlike strength.

Teach them that they are allowed to speak, protect themselves, ask for help, and establish boundaries.

Then teach them that the person who hurt them does not get to own their heart afterward.

They can bring the anger to God.

They can grieve.

They can tell the truth.

They can forgive as God leads them through that process.

They can pray for the person who hurt them.

And they can leave justice and the outcome with God.

This is how you raise children whose faith is becoming their own.

Not by preventing every storm.

Not by supplying every answer.

Not by making sure they never hurt.

But by walking beside them until they learn for themselves where to run when trouble comes.

You will not always be able to remove the troubled waters.

Teach them where to stand.