DAY 25: THURSDAY

DO NOT ASK THE PROMISE TO GIVE YOU AN IDENTITY

“For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3 (KJV)

MY PRAYER FOR YOU

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today I pray for the woman who has spent years answering the question of who she is by looking at the roles she fills.

She may be a mother, wife, single woman, daughter, friend, employee, leader, caregiver, homemaker, business owner, or servant in her church. Some of those roles may be among the greatest gifts You have given her, but none of them were ever meant to become the foundation of her identity.

Father, show her who she is beneath what she does and beyond who needs her.

If she has been waiting for marriage, motherhood, reconciliation, success, ministry, financial security, or another answered prayer to finally make her feel complete, gently bring her back to You. If she has lost something that once helped define her, meet her in the disorientation of discovering who she is without it.

Teach her that her identity is not waiting somewhere in her future.

It is already secure in Christ.

And Father, help her raise children who know the same thing. Let them know they are more than their grades, talents, appearance, friendships, accomplishments, failures, popularity, athletic ability, or the opinions of other people.

Do not let their identity rest only on their mother's faith either.

Lead them into a relationship with You that becomes personal. Let them know what they believe, why they believe it, and Who they belong to.

Build this family upon something circumstances cannot easily take away.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

DEVOTIONAL

We have spent the last several days talking about relationships, loneliness, potential, chemistry, and discernment.

But underneath all of those conversations is a deeper question:

Who are you before the promise arrives?

Because if you do not know the answer, you may eventually ask the promise to answer it for you.

You may believe marriage will finally make you feel chosen. You may believe motherhood will give your life meaning. You may believe a successful career will prove you are capable. You may believe ministry will prove God can use you. You may believe financial security will finally make you feel safe. You may believe reconciliation will prove you were worth coming back for.

Those desires can be deeply meaningful, and some may even be things God eventually gives you.

But none of them can safely carry your identity.

“For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3 (KJV)

Your life is hid with Christ.

Not with your relationship status.

Not with your children's success.

Not with your career.

Not with your appearance.

Not with your reputation.

Not even with the promise you have been praying for.

With Christ.

This matters because anything we use to establish identity eventually gains tremendous power over us.

If being married proves that you are lovable, you may become terrified of losing the marriage.

If being needed proves that you matter, you may struggle when your children become independent.

If your children's behavior proves that you are a good mother, every mistake they make can begin feeling like a reflection of you.

If achievement proves your worth, rest may feel dangerous.

If someone's approval proves that you are good, their disappointment can make you question yourself.

When identity is attached to something changeable, peace becomes fragile.

Something always has to keep going well for you to remain okay.

But life changes.

Children grow.

Jobs end.

Bodies age.

Relationships change.

People misunderstand us.

Seasons close.

Callings develop.

Things we once did well may become things we can no longer do.

If every change requires you to rebuild your identity from the ground up, you will spend your life trying to hold everything still.

God offers something deeper.

Your roles can change without changing Whose you are.

That does not mean roles are unimportant. Being a mother matters tremendously. Marriage matters. Work matters. Ministry matters. Stewardship matters. God gives us responsibilities and relationships that deserve faithful investment.

But there is a difference between saying, “Motherhood is part of what God has entrusted to me,” and saying, “Being a good mother is what makes me valuable.”

One produces stewardship.

The other produces pressure.

And that pressure eventually reaches our children.

If your identity depends upon your child succeeding, their failure becomes threatening to you. You may become tempted to manage appearances, rescue them from consequences, pressure them toward achievements they do not desire, or take their choices personally because their choices feel like a statement about your worth.

But your child is a separate person before God.

You are responsible to parent faithfully.

You are not responsible for controlling every choice they eventually make.

That distinction becomes increasingly important as children grow.

You can teach truth and still have a child question it. You can model faith and still have a teenager wrestle with doubt. You can create a loving home and still have a child make a poor decision. You can establish wise boundaries and still have a child become angry about them.

Their response does not automatically tell you whether you were faithful.

Sometimes faithful parenting produces an unhappy child in the moment.

That can be difficult for a mother whose identity depends upon being loved, needed, or approved of by her children.

You need an identity strong enough to let them be disappointed with you when obedience requires it.

You also need an identity secure enough to listen when they are right.

Sometimes your child will point out something you need to change.

If your identity rests in being the good mother, correction may feel like an attack on who you are. But if your identity rests in Christ, you can say, “I got that wrong.”

You do not become less valuable because you needed correction.

That is freedom.

And it is something your children need for themselves.

Think about how early children begin attaching identity to performance.

I am the smart one.

I am the athletic one.

I am the funny one.

I am the responsible one.

I am the difficult one.

I am the pretty one.

I am the shy one.

I am the one who always messes things up.

Sometimes adults reinforce these identities without realizing it. We repeatedly praise one child for being responsible and another for being talented. We talk about one as easy and another as difficult. Eventually, children can begin believing their place in the family depends upon continuing to fill that role.

Teach them something deeper.

Their gifts matter, but their gifts are not their identity.

Their mistakes matter, but their mistakes are not their identity.

Their choices have consequences, but their failures do not determine their worth.

And their relationship with God cannot remain only an extension of yours.

This is where leading children to the cross becomes more than teaching them Bible stories.

You want them to encounter Christ personally.

You want them to understand sin and grace, repentance and forgiveness, truth and surrender. You want them to know that Jesus is not merely Someone Mom believes in or Someone your family talks about.

He is their Savior.

Their Lord.

Their foundation.

That faith cannot be manufactured for them.

You can create an environment where it is nurtured. You can teach Scripture, pray with them, answer questions, bring them into Christian community, model repentance, and point repeatedly toward Christ.

But eventually, they must respond.

That can be frightening for a mother because surrendering your child's faith means acknowledging that you cannot control the outcome.

You can lead them to the cross.

You cannot surrender there for them.

And perhaps that is one of motherhood's deepest forms of peace before promise.

You faithfully plant what you may not immediately see grow.

You teach.

You pray.

You model.

You correct.

You love.

You answer questions.

You admit when you are wrong.

You keep pointing toward Jesus.

Then you trust God with what is happening in a heart you cannot see.

That requires knowing where your identity ends and theirs begins.

You are their mother.

You are not their Savior.

And that should bring relief.

Because Jesus can reach places in your child's heart that you never will.

The same Jesus who is teaching you who you are can reveal Himself to them.

So become deeply rooted in Him.

Not because you need to become impressive.

Because storms eventually test foundations.

When something you love changes, you need to know who you are.

When someone leaves, you need to know who you are.

When your child struggles, you need to know who you are.

When the answer is no, you need to know who you are.

When the promise arrives, you need to know who you are then too.

Because receiving something good can shake an unstable identity almost as much as losing something.

You do not want to disappear inside the promise.

You want to enter it already belonging to Christ.

A relationship cannot make you chosen in the deepest sense because Christ has already settled that identity. Marriage cannot rescue you from feeling unseen.

Motherhood cannot become proof that your life matters. Being pursued cannot become the evidence that you are valuable. Receive those roles as gifts if God gives them, but do not ask them to tell you who you are.

TAKE A MOMENT

Think about how you usually introduce yourself, describe yourself, or measure whether you are doing well.

Which roles or accomplishments appear first?

Now imagine one of those roles changing.

What remains true about you?

JOURNAL WITH GOD

Which roles have become most closely connected to my sense of identity?

What do I believe would happen to my worth if one of those roles changed or disappeared?

Is there something I am waiting for because I believe receiving it would finally prove something about me?

Do my children's choices, successes, or failures affect the way I evaluate myself as a woman or mother?

Can I allow my children to be disappointed with me when faithfulness requires a decision they do not like?

Can I receive correction from my children when I genuinely need it without believing it means I have failed as a mother?

What labels have developed in my home around each child's personality, strengths, weaknesses, or behavior?

How can I help my children understand that their gifts, failures, achievements, and other people's opinions do not determine their identity?

What would it look like for my children to have a faith that is truly becoming their own rather than simply repeating mine?

Who am I when I remove every role and simply stand before Christ?

YOUR TIME WITH GOD

Today, bring God the roles you use to describe yourself.

Mother.

Wife.

Single woman.

Daughter.

Friend.

Leader.

Worker.

Caregiver.

Whatever they are, thank Him for the ones He has entrusted to you. Then remind yourself that they are assignments and relationships within your life. They are not the source of your life.

Ask God to reveal anything you have been expecting a future promise to prove about you. If you have been waiting for something to make you feel chosen, worthy, safe, successful, useful, or complete, tell Him the truth.

Then bring Him your children.

You may have very specific hopes for who they become. Bring those hopes too. Ask God to help you distinguish between faithfully forming their character and trying to create a particular future for them.

Pray for something deeper than outward success.

Ask God to make Himself known to them.

Then make room for that to become personal.

When your children ask spiritual questions, do not be afraid to say, “What do you think?” before giving your answer. Ask what they believe Scripture says. Encourage them to pray in their own words. Let them wrestle with age appropriate questions instead of believing every question threatens their faith.

We are not trying to raise children who can merely repeat the right answers.

We are raising children who know where to go when they do not have the answers.

And you are learning the same thing.

The woman God created you to be is not waiting at the end of a relationship, achievement, calling, or answered prayer.

Your life is already hid with Christ in God.

Let everything else be built from there.