DAY 57: MONDAY
LEAD YOURSELF FIRST
“He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” Proverbs 25:28 (KJV)
MY PRAYER FOR YOU
Dear Heavenly Father,
Today I pray for the man who wants to lead well.
Before he thinks about leading a wife, children, employees, a church, a ministry, a team, or anyone else, teach him to submit himself to You.
Govern his thoughts.
His tongue.
His temper.
His appetites.
His sexuality.
His spending.
His time.
His reactions.
His habits.
His pride.
Teach him that spiritual leadership begins with spiritual submission.
Do not let him demand discipline from his children that he refuses to practice himself.
Do not let him expect emotional control from a woman while excusing his own anger.
Do not let him speak about biblical authority while resisting correction, accountability, or
Your authority over him.
Make him the first person his leadership reaches.
Teach him to say no to himself.
Teach him to keep commitments nobody forces him to keep.
Teach him to do what is right when nobody watches.
And when he fails, teach him to repent quickly rather than hide behind position.
Let the people he leads see a man who is himself being led.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
DEVOTIONAL
Before you lead anybody else, lead yourself.
More accurately:
Let Christ lead you so thoroughly that His leadership becomes visible in the way you govern yourself.
Proverbs 25:28 says, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” (KJV)
No defenses.
No order.
Vulnerable to whatever enters.
Self control matters.
A man may want authority while lacking authority over himself.
He wants his children to control their attitudes.
He cannot control his temper.
He wants his wife to speak respectfully.
He speaks harshly when frustrated.
He wants everyone home on time.
He continually breaks his own commitments.
He expects sexual purity from a future wife while privately feeding lust.
He teaches financial responsibility while spending impulsively.
He wants honesty from everyone else while hiding what makes him uncomfortable.
That contradiction weakens leadership.
Matthew 7:5 says, “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly...” (KJV)
First.
Yourself.
This does not mean you must become perfect before leading.
No father would ever lead.
No husband.
No pastor.
No man.
It means leadership begins with repentance rather than superiority.
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.” (KJV)
That is the order.
Follow me as I follow Christ.
A spiritually healthy man should be able to point beyond himself.
His authority is not ultimate.
Christ's is.
That matters greatly in marriage.
The phrase “spiritual leader” can become dangerous when a man hears only the word leader and forgets the word spiritual.
Spiritual leadership does not mean:
I always get my way.
I make every decision.
My interpretation cannot be questioned.
You must obey me because I am the man.
It begins with:
Am I submitted to Christ?
Am I loving sacrificially?
Am I listening?
Am I truthful?
Am I self controlled?
Am I teachable?
Am I serving?
Am I willing to repent?
Ephesians 5:25 does not tell husbands to demand sacrifice.
It tells husbands to sacrifice.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (KJV)
That is costly leadership.
And before marriage, learn this now.
Do not wait for a wife to make you responsible.
Become responsible.
Do not wait for children to make you disciplined.
Practice discipline.
Do not wait for a household to begin praying.
Pray now.
Do not expect marriage to cure lust, selfishness, loneliness, anger, irresponsibility, or insecurity.
Whatever you refuse to surrender while single usually follows you into marriage.
Leadership begins today.
This applies to fatherhood.
Your children watch what you practice.
You tell them not to yell.
Then yell.
You tell them to apologize.
Then never apologize.
You tell them to put the phone away.
Then spend dinner looking at yours.
You tell them to trust God.
Then they watch anxiety govern every decision.
They are learning more than your rules.
They are watching your patterns.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 tells God's people to keep His words in their own hearts and then teach them diligently to their children. (KJV)
Again, the order matters.
In you.
Then taught through you.
This is also why self control makes a man safer.
If the people around you know your emotions govern you, they may begin governing themselves around your emotions.
Dad is in a bad mood.
Do not ask him.
He is angry.
Stay quiet.
Do not tell him yet.
Wait until he calms down.
A household can quietly organize itself around one man's inability to govern his own spirit.
That is not leadership.
Leadership should increasingly free the people around you from having to manage you.
Galatians 5:22-23 says the fruit of the Spirit includes “temperance.” (KJV)
Self control is spiritual fruit.
Not personality.
Not masculinity.
Fruit.
It grows as you abide in Christ.
You will still have emotions.
Strong ones.
Leadership does not require emotional numbness.
It requires learning what belongs between feeling and action.
A pause.
Prayer.
Truth.
Wisdom.
Choice.
That is where self control lives.
You feel angry.
You choose your words.
You feel afraid.
You seek truth before controlling.
You feel jealous.
You examine evidence before accusing.
You feel disrespected.
You remain responsible for your own conduct.
You feel desire.
You honor sexual boundaries.
You feel tired.
You communicate rather than becoming cruel.
You feel hurt.
You tell the truth rather than punishing someone.
That is leading yourself.
And when you fail?
Own it.
Quickly.
No long defense.
No:
“I only did that because you...”
Your behavior belongs to you.
Repentance is leadership too.
Self leadership also means confronting the male survival patterns that are easy to rename. Passivity can be called patience. Ambiguity can be called taking things slowly. Avoidance can be called keeping the peace. Consumption can be called meeting a need. Formation names the pattern accurately, then replaces it with responsibility, rhythm, restraint, discernment, and mission.
TAKE A MOMENT
Before thinking about anyone you want to lead, ask:
Where am I hardest to lead?
What part of myself most resists Christ's authority?
Your temper?
Tongue?
Sexuality?
Money?
Time?
Pride?
Need for control?
Choose yourself first.
JOURNAL WITH GOD
Where do I most struggle with self control?
Do I expect behavior from others that I excuse in myself?
What happens when my emotions become strong?
Do people around me ever organize their behavior around preventing my reaction?
Am I submitted to correction and accountability?
Do I use leadership language more readily than sacrificial language?
If I desire marriage, what kind of husband am I practicing becoming now?
If I am a father, what are my children learning by watching me rather than listening to me?
What private habit contradicts the man I say I want to become?
What would it look like to let Christ lead that area?
YOUR TIME WITH GOD
Today, read Proverbs 25:28, Proverbs 16:32, Galatians 5:22-25, Matthew 7:3-5, 1 Corinthians 11:1, Ephesians 5:25, and Deuteronomy 6:5-7.
Then choose one area of self government.
Not your wife's behavior.
Not your girlfriend's.
Not your child's.
Not your coworker's.
Yours.
Ask:
What does obedience look like here?
Make it specific.
If it is anger, choose the response you will practice when anger rises.
If it is lust, establish the boundary.
If it is spending, make the budget.
If it is your tongue, stop excusing harsh speech.
If it is control, practice allowing another person to make a decision that genuinely belongs to them.
If it is pride, ask someone trustworthy where you are difficult to correct.
Then listen.
You cannot lead others farther into submission to Christ than you are willing to go yourself.
Lead yourself first.
And let the people around you see that you are following Someone greater.