DAY 25: THURSDAY
DO NOT ASK THE PROMISE TO GIVE YOU AN IDENTITY
“For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3 (KJV)
MY PRAYER FOR YOU
Dear Heavenly Father,
Today I pray for the man who has spent years answering the question of who he is by looking at what he does. He may be a father, husband, single man, son, employee, leader, provider, protector, business owner, ministry leader, coach, friend, or servant in his church. Some of those roles may be among the greatest gifts You have entrusted to him, but none of them were ever meant to become the foundation of his identity.
Father, show him who he is beneath his responsibilities. If he has been waiting for marriage, career success, financial stability, reconciliation, ministry growth, fatherhood, recognition, or another answered prayer to finally make him feel like the man he is supposed to be, bring him back to You.
Teach him that his identity is not waiting somewhere in his future. It is already secure in Christ.
If he is a father, let his children see a man whose identity is deeper than his paycheck, accomplishments, authority, strength, or ability to solve problems. If he is married or preparing for marriage, keep him from asking a woman to continually reassure him of who he is. Let him love from security rather than requiring her admiration, affection, agreement, or dependence to make him feel like a man.
Your Word says his life is “hid with Christ in God.” Let everything else be built from there.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
DEVOTIONAL
Who are you?
A man can answer that question with roles very quickly.
I am a father. I am a husband. I am a provider. I am a leader. I am a businessman. I am a pastor. I am a tradesman. I am a coach. I am the one everyone calls when something needs to be fixed.
Those things may describe important parts of your life.
But they cannot carry the full weight of your identity.
Men need that truth deeply.
Colossians 3:3 says, “For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” (KJV)
Your life is not hidden in your career.
Not in your bank account.
Not in whether a woman chooses you.
Not in whether your children admire you.
Not in how physically strong you are.
Not in your title.
Not in how many people depend upon you.
Not even in whether you become a husband or father.
Your life is hid with Christ.
That changes leadership.
Because when a man does not know who he is, he may begin requiring other people to continually confirm it.
He needs respect to feel strong.
He needs agreement to feel authoritative.
He needs a woman’s admiration to feel masculine.
He needs his children’s obedience to feel successful.
He needs to be needed to feel valuable.
Then ordinary disagreement can begin feeling like a threat to identity.
That is dangerous.
Your wife disagreeing with you does not make you less of a man.
Your girlfriend expressing disappointment does not diminish your worth.
Your child questioning something does not automatically undermine your authority.
A coworker being better than you at something does not make you less valuable.
Another man succeeding does not reduce what God has placed in you.
When identity is secure, you do not have to defend it constantly.
That makes you safer.
You can listen without believing that listening makes you weak.
You can apologize without believing an apology makes you small.
You can receive correction without feeling emasculated.
You can change your mind when new information shows you were wrong.
You can say, “I do not know.”
You can ask for help.
You can celebrate another man's strength.
You can honor a woman's wisdom.
You can allow your children to grow into capable adults who need you differently than they once did.
None of that threatens who you are.
Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works...” (KJV)
Notice the order again.
You are His workmanship.
Then come the works.
God forms identity before assignment.
That matters if you are waiting for marriage.
Do not ask marriage to make you complete.
Do not ask a wife to make you feel worthy.
Do not enter a relationship expecting a woman to heal every insecurity you refused to bring before God.
Marriage can be a beautiful covenant.
But a wife was never designed to become your source of identity.
And if you are already married, do not make her carry that burden now.
First John 4:19 says, “We love him, because he first loved us.” (KJV)
Love begins with what we receive from God.
His love.
His truth.
His grace.
His security.
Then we pour from what He is forming within us.
That is very different from entering relationships empty and demanding that another person continually fill the places where we refuse to let God speak.
This also matters for fatherhood.
Your children should not have to perform in order to make you feel like a successful father.
Their mistakes do not automatically mean you failed.
Their accomplishments do not prove you succeeded.
Lead them.
Teach them.
Correct them.
Protect them.
Pray for them.
But remember that they belong to God.
Their lives cannot become the scoreboard upon which you measure your worth.
A spiritually grounded man knows who he belongs to.
That security changes the atmosphere around him.
He does not need to dominate to feel strong.
He does not need everyone to agree to feel secure.
He does not need to be indispensable to feel valuable.
He does not need the promise to tell him who he is.
He already knows Whose he is.
A wife cannot make you a man. A relationship cannot give you mission. Fatherhood cannot create character that you refused to form beforehand. Those roles may reveal and deepen what God is doing in you, but they cannot safely carry the weight of giving you an identity. Become a son who follows Christ before asking a woman or family to confirm who you are.
TAKE A MOMENT
Strip away your roles for a moment.
Not father.
Not husband.
Not boyfriend.
Not employee.
Not leader.
Not provider.
Not fixer.
Not ministry worker.
Who are you before God when nobody needs anything from you?
JOURNAL WITH GOD
Which role has become most connected to my sense of identity?
What happens inside me when I feel unsuccessful in that role?
Do I need other people’s respect, admiration, dependence, or agreement to feel secure as a man?
Does disagreement sometimes feel like disrespect because my identity is threatened?
Can I apologize, receive correction, or admit I do not know something without feeling weak?
If I desire marriage, what am I expecting marriage or a wife to give me that should already be rooted in Christ?
If I am a father, have I tied my worth to my children’s behavior or accomplishments?
Who does Scripture say I am because I belong to Christ?
YOUR TIME WITH GOD
Today, read Colossians 3:1–4, Ephesians 1:3–8, Ephesians 2:10, Galatians 2:20, and 1 John 4:19.
Then write down the roles you currently carry.
Beside each one, write:
This is something God has entrusted to me. It is not the source of who I am.
Then ask:
Who am I when this role is difficult?
Who am I if this role changes?
What am I asking another person to tell me about myself?
Your calling matters.
Your responsibilities matter.
Your leadership matters.
Your relationships matter.
But none of them get to become your god.
Your life is already hid with Christ in God.
Let everything else be built from there.