DAY 23: TUESDAY
DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH POTENTIAL
“Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matthew 7:20 (KJV)
MY PRAYER FOR YOU
Dear Heavenly Father,
Today I pray for the man who sees what someone could become.
You created him with hope. You gave him the ability to encourage, believe, build, teach, support, and see possibilities in people.
But teach him that loving someone is not the same as building a relationship with who he hopes they will eventually become.
When he sees potential in a woman, help him remain honest about her present character. Keep him from calling repeated patterns temporary simply because he desperately wants the relationship to work.
Your Son said, “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matthew 7:20 (KJV).
Teach him to look at fruit.
Not promises without action.
Not apologies without change.
Not spiritual language without obedience.
Not potential without character.
Give him grace to encourage growth without making another person's growth his assignment.
And Father, turn this teaching inward too. Do not let him demand that a woman love the man he intends to become while refusing responsibility for the man he currently is.
If he hopes to be a husband, form him now.
If he wants a godly wife, make him serious about becoming a godly man.
If he wants emotional safety, make him emotionally safe.
If he wants honesty, make him truthful.
If he wants faithfulness, form faithfulness in him.
If he wants gentleness, teach him to govern his own anger.
If he wants a woman who will love his children well, teach him to protect and love them well himself.
Let discernment move both directions.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
DEVOTIONAL
Potential is powerful.
You meet someone and begin seeing possibilities.
She could become such a godly woman.
Once she heals, this could be incredible.
Once we get married, maybe she will feel more secure.
Once she understands how much I love her, maybe the jealousy will stop.
Once life settles down, maybe she will stop treating my children that way.
Once she grows spiritually, maybe we will finally be aligned.
Maybe…
People can change.
God transforms people every day.
The man reading this devotional should certainly believe in transformation.
But you cannot build covenant on somebody's potential.
Jesus said, “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.” Matthew 7:20 (KJV)
Fruit is what exists.
Potential is what might exist someday.
Learn the difference.
A woman may have incredible gifts and still lack the character necessary for a healthy relationship.
A man may have tremendous potential and still be irresponsible today.
Potential can tell you what is possible.
Character tells you what you are actually building with.
That matters before covenant because marriage does not magically mature people.
It reveals people.
Pressure reveals people.
Disappointment reveals people.
Ordinary life reveals people.
Watch what happens when plans change.
When she hears no.
When she is disappointed.
When you disagree.
When your children need you.
When she is corrected.
When she is tired.
When she is angry.
Does she remain respectful?
Can she communicate?
Can she apologize?
Does she take responsibility?
Does she use anger to punish?
Does she withdraw affection to manipulate?
Does she threaten the relationship whenever conflict becomes uncomfortable?
Does she use Scripture to control?
Does she demonstrate patience with your children?
These questions matter more than who she could become.
Proverbs 20:11 says, “Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.” (KJV)
Behavior reveals.
That principle applies to you too.
Do not become a man who evaluates every woman's red flags while explaining away his own.
You may want a woman who is emotionally safe…
Are you?
Can she tell you no without you punishing her emotionally?
Can she disagree without you becoming threatening?
Can she tell you that something hurt her without you immediately defending your intention?
Can she have a strong emotion without your reaction becoming the larger problem?
Can you remain firm without becoming cruel?
Can you tell the truth without weaponizing it?
Can you apologize without adding, “but you made me”?
That is fruit too.
First John 4:19 says, “We love him, because he first loved us.” (KJV)
God's love should be producing something in you.
Galatians 5:22–23 names love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance as fruit of the Spirit.
Look for fruit in her.
Cultivate fruit in yourself.
This is also where fathers must think clearly.
Potential does not protect your children.
Character does.
A woman may say she wants to love your children.
Watch how she actually treats them.
Does she honor their relationship with you?
Does she respect their boundaries?
Is she able to correct without humiliating?
Does she become jealous when they need your attention?
Does she bring steadiness into their lives or continual tension?
Do not marry potential and expect your children to absorb the consequences while you wait for character to catch up.
That is not fair to them.
At the same time, do not expect a woman to enter chaos you refuse to address in your own household and somehow fix it.
Your children need boundaries too.
Leadership means creating a home where every person is held accountable to love, truth, respect, and appropriate responsibility.
You are not looking for perfection.
If perfection were required, nobody could marry.
You are looking for direction.
Humility.
Repentance.
Teachability.
Consistency.
Fruit.
A person who fails and takes responsibility can be very different from a person who repeats the same behavior and continually explains why somebody else caused it.
Growth can be observed.
Give it time.
You do not have to become cynical.
You can believe in someone's future while making decisions according to their present.
That is wisdom.
Potential can be especially tempting to a man who likes to build. You may see what a relationship could become and begin mentally constructing the future before enough fruit exists in the present. Do not confuse your ability to envision a future with evidence that the two of you have the capacity to build it together.
A formed man does not choose a woman because he believes he can fix, rescue, disciple, or reshape her into the partner he needs. He discerns the woman who is actually standing in front of him, just as she must discern the man who is actually standing in front of her.
TAKE A MOMENT
Think about someone whose potential has influenced how you see them.
What are you hoping they eventually become?
Now ask:
What fruit exists today?
Do not answer according to promises.
Answer according to repeated behavior.
Then turn the question toward yourself.
What potential do you expect others to believe in that you are not yet consistently living?
JOURNAL WITH GOD
Have I ever loved someone's potential more than their actual character?
What behaviors have I explained away because I wanted a relationship to work?
What promises have I mistaken for evidence of change?
What fruit would genuine growth produce?
If children are involved, what are they actually experiencing from this person today?
Have I ever expected my children to tolerate unhealthy behavior while I waited for an adult to change?
What qualities am I looking for in a woman that I also need to cultivate in myself?
Am I becoming the kind of man whose present character matches the future I say I want?
When I fail, do I repent and change, or mainly explain my intentions?
What fruit is Christ currently producing in me?
YOUR TIME WITH GOD
Read Matthew 7:16–20, Galatians 5:22–23, Proverbs 20:11, James 3:17, and 1 John 4:19.
Then ask God to separate hope from denial.
Ask Him:
What fruit am I seeing?
What am I only hoping to see later?
What patterns am I minimizing because I want this relationship?
What patterns in myself am I expecting someone else to overlook because I promise I will eventually change?
If God reveals good fruit, receive that truth too.
Discernment is not suspicion.
You do not need to hunt for defects in everyone.
You simply need to see clearly.
Believe people can grow.
Pray for them.
Encourage them.
But make covenant decisions according to character that actually exists.
Do not marry potential.
And do not ask someone else to.