CHAPTER 6

What Are You Building Into People?

“For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:” Ephesians 4:12 (KJV)

Perfecting Means Equipping

The KJV word “perfecting” does not mean making flawless Christians. Think equipping, preparing, developing, and helping believers mature enough to carry God's work.

The goal is not “Everybody needs me.” The goal is “People are becoming equipped.”

Good Leadership Develops People

Ask what happens to people under our influence. Do they become more secure in Christ, scripturally capable, responsible, discerning, repentant, and able to help someone else?

Jesus did not only give information. The disciples watched, served, learned, and eventually were sent. We cannot equip people without letting them try.

Teach Why, Give Responsibility

Understanding principles helps people act wisely when we are absent. Give age-appropriate or maturity-appropriate responsibility with support. Correction should make people more capable, not merely ashamed.

Safe does not mean without standards. It means people can tell truth, ask questions, admit mistakes, receive correction without degradation, and grow.

Character Alongside Skill

Skill asks, “Can they do it?” Character asks, “Can they be trusted with it?” Do not promote gift faster than character can carry it. Waiting can be development.

Tell people why they are not ready when appropriate, and tell them when they are ready. Sometimes someone has to see something in us before we do.

Call Out What Is Good

Pay attention to gifts, burdens, faithfulness, fruit, and how someone handles responsibility. Specific encouragement can help someone recognize what God may be developing.

Give the gift somewhere to grow, but do not turn people into resources for your vision. Ask, “What can I help build in this person that they can carry wherever God sends them?”

Parents Are Developing Future Adults

Teach children how to think, not only what to think. Let them carry age-appropriate responsibility and manageable consequences. Eventually they need their own faith, not merely Mom's or Dad's.

Words Spoken While They Are Becoming Matter

A parent's words carry weight. Old Testament patriarchal blessings such as Isaac's and Jacob's had covenantal and sometimes prophetic significance that ordinary parental statements do not automatically carry today. Still, Scripture shows the weight of parental speech.

Warning is not defining. “If you keep lying, trust will be damaged” is different from “You are a liar and always will be.” Correction should include direction.

Speak to What Strength Can Become

A strong personality can learn gentleness and self-control. Questions can become discernment. Persistence can become perseverance rather than stubbornness. Strong will can become courage. Sensitivity can become compassion. Leadership desire can become servant leadership.

The goal is not to crush raw strength but surrender it to Christ.

Do Not Only Say God Can Use You

Say something stronger: “I believe God wants to use your life. You were created for purpose, with purpose, by God.” Purpose does not promise fame or platform. It may unfold in a home, workplace, church, conversation, child raised, person discipled, or unseen decision.

Bless children toward knowing God's voice, integrity, wisdom, gentle strength, surrender, and obedience—without writing their future for them.

A Father's Blessing and the Heavenly Father

Many young men deeply long to hear a father communicate: “I see you. I trust you. You are becoming a man. God has purpose for your life.” Broken homes can leave real gaps.

A single mother does not have to pretend to be a father or deny the value of healthy godly men. But her son is not without a Father. She can bless, pray, correct, encourage, recognize gifts, and continually point him to the heavenly Father who is not absent.

Help Them Listen for Themselves

Eventually “Mom says God has purpose for me” needs to become “I know God for myself.” Teach children to ask what God is developing, what needs surrender, what gifts He entrusted, where growth is needed, and how they can serve.

Do not decide their calling for them. Recognize gifts and give room for God to lead.

Sometimes What Feels Like Strength Is Weight

I had a conversation with one of my sons after correction and frustration. He was carrying things he did not completely understand, and the weight had begun making him feel strong—almost grounded by it.

There can be pride in how much we can carry. But being able to carry something does not mean we were meant to keep carrying it.

The Strength Becomes Available for Something Else

Imagine carrying something heavy. Your movement slows and your attention stays on the weight. Set it down and suddenly you can move, stretch, turn, reach, run.

The strength did not disappear when you put the weight down. The strength became available for something else.

Surrender Creates Freedom

Anger, fear, shame, pride, proving, being right, control, resentment, expectations, old wounds, and old words can become familiar burdens we confuse with protection.

John 8:36 says, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” Freedom can feel unfamiliar, but what Christ asks us to surrender does not have to remain our master.

Do Not Put Your Own Ceiling on God

Putting down weight can feel almost limitless, but we are not teaching unlimited human potential. We still have bodies, time, responsibilities, abilities, seasons, and real limits.

The truth is: “I do not need to place my own ceiling on what God can do through a surrendered life.” We are dependent people connected to an unlimited God. John 15:5 reminds us that without Christ we can do nothing.

God Invites; He Does Not Need

God wants our surrendered lives and invites us to participate, but His Kingdom does not collapse if one person refuses. He can raise someone else. That keeps purpose humble.

The privilege is that we get to participate: love, raise children, share the Gospel, teach, build, serve, disciple, encourage, create, lead, and give.

Speak Purpose, Not Pressure

Pressure says, “Become impressive so I can be proud.” Purpose says, “Your life belongs to God. Let Him show you how to use it faithfully.” Pressure writes the child's future. Purpose teaches surrender.

Bless them toward surrender: stay close, listen, accept correction, put down what God says to put down, develop what He says to develop, and obey when the next step is clear.

Become the Voice You Needed

Some adults never heard blessing. An absent or critical father, overwhelmed mother, or childhood without affirmation can leave a wound. We cannot rewrite childhood, but we are not without a Father.

Speak truthful hope to the next generation. Correct, guide, warn, notice, encourage, bless, pray, call out fruit, point to Christ, and remind them that weakness can be surrendered, strength stewarded, gifts developed, mistakes repaired, and questions brought to God.

Build What Can Continue

Teach skill and principle. Model character. Speak truth. Let them try. Correct without humiliating. Give responsibility. Develop discernment. Teach surrender. Point toward Christ.

Ask: “Who became more capable of following Christ because I faithfully walked beside them?” and “Are they becoming capable of helping someone else do the same?” We are preparing them to stand.